***now published*** Holliday Whitehead just turned 16. She was supposed to get a nose job for her 16th Birthday and show off her new nose on Instagram. Except she doesn't want the nose job anymore. Holliday is tired of "perfect."
Her sister, Madge...
I'm so happy right now. Cole asked me out tonight!!!! For a "drink" to discuss our game and work on it outside of coding class. We're going to meet-up Saturday. It just feels so right. He's in the gifted program at Woburn Collegiate. Super smart guy. I'm glad he sees me for who I am too. Smart. I'm not gifted, but that's a long story involving the testing time. It was right after Madge died and I was fucked up. Not an excuse, but a reality. Something I like to tell myself to make me feel better that I'm not "gifted."
Anyways, I can't wait to go out with Cole!!!
On another note, Amber is getting FAT. Like big. Fast. She says she just wants to eat bagels with cream cheese and poutine. Ha. I feel really bad for her. I feel like her life is over. I would never tell her that, but it's gonna be really hard for her to chase her dreams. She wants to be a vet. Like how can she with a wee baby to look after? I can't even imagine. And doing it all ALONE. Well with her overbearing mother. Her mom is crazy. I mean we all get like the family lottery and mine sure is a fucked up WIN. Or lose, however you wanna think about it, but hers is even worse. I think. I mean she doesn't have a dead sister...but... Her religious mama forces her to church every Sunday and forces her to pray and keep babies... It's just so overbearing. My mom, on the other hand, is just into herself. It's like she never had a proper youth or something...like why is she a 51-year-old woman parading around like she is 20? It's irritating.
I feel like my grandma was a stern mom. I mean my mom told me she was. My mom had curfews and couldn't dye her hair or drink or date boys, and look what she did?! She ran the fuck away. And now she is having another rebellion at 51? lol. Her hair's platinum blonde, lips filled with restalyne, size 2, I mean SHE looks like Kendall Jenner. She never needed a nose job though. My mom. I saw her shopping on Vic Secret the other day for red lingerie. I hate the color red. FUN FACT: She named me Holliday while she and dad were on holiday in Bali. They conceived me there and instead of naming me Bali she chose Holliday...
I wish we had a better relationship. Like a friendship type of scenario...but we just don't. It's weird. I think she loved Madge more than me and she blames me. She blamed me ever since that day...
Tired. Good night.
H
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December 14th 10:07 pm
Dear Diary,
It's raining today. A cold rain. Ice rain. School today was uneventful. We had an assembly about drugs. Made me think of last weekend and how I felt like I was going to die. Maybe I'll take a break. Amber had a fight with Tom in the hallway. Accused him of ignoring her and screamed at him. Guess that was eventful...but she started crying. I think the pregnancy hormones are getting to her. I worry about her. I think she loves Tom...
Anyways, Madge visited me in the bathroom stall at school today. She was holding the ball from the day she died and then she said, "You didn't stop me" and I just started crying uncontrollably and someone in the next stall (I didn't recognize the voice) asked me if I was okay. I whispered "Yes" and they went away. I tried to take deep breaths...something I learned from therapy way back when Madge died and the entire family went for therapy. They taught me some "coping" techniques. They also said time would heal... but I don't think you ever get over something like this.
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