cigarette daydreams

// peace of mind //

something is happening to you. i can see it in the way your eyes look a bit more sunken than they did yesterday.

you have bruises around your eyes, cuts cover your arms, and injection points are located at various points on your veins. your lips are pale and chapped.

you are tragically beautiful, and i wish you knew that. i can tell you think you're just simply tragic.

the way you sit in the alley behind my restaurant shows that you're waiting for someone. are you waiting for me?

"still looking for that peace of mind, eh?" i yell out the window.

"i found a temporary fix. but don't tell june," you reply.

june is our therapist.

a man in a black tee shirt walks down the alley in your direction. i see you smile at him. he runs up to you and plants a big, wet kiss on your lips. you sigh, and place a syringe in the palm of his hand, along with half a pill bottle.

he places a bag of white powder in yours, and runs off.

"is that coke?" i ask.

"no. of course not. just happy dust." you fall the the ground smiling, as the rain starts to come down.

it's been a very rainy week.

promptly, i made my way outside to your colorless body, and transported your slim body into the kitchen of the restaurant where i worked.

i took you upstairs, into the staff bathroom. locking the door behind me, i draped your body an the cold tile, and poured water on your peeling face.

"please don't go," i whispered, gasping for breath between words.

"bring me a bite to eat?" you stuttered, your voice fading.

and i did what you had asked. i brought you up an apple and a burger.

you ate slowly at first, then quickly finished the other half.

you took out your happy dust, and sniffed it into your nose.

"why do you do that? you're killing yourself," i asked.

"the answer is simple," she says between mouthfuls. "i want to die." she situated herself of the floor a bit, and continued, "plus i have an appointment today. happy dust makes it a lot easier."

"the addiction clinic is closed today," i say, wondering what she means by appointment.

"i mean with a guy."

"do you..."

"yeah."

"you can get STD's."

"my mind is already dead. take me to my appointment?"

"absolutely not. let me take you in. you can stay with me. no charge. but you'll have to stop sleeping around with guys."

"that's how i get my stuff."

"you don't need that stuff."

"ok."

"ok."