Funny how the world works | anthology

Colors

Step by step I wander deeper into my thoughts
Letting the soothing shades of blues and purples take over.

I've always loved those shades, so pure and rich.. but the darkness is taking over..
the color is gone..
I am not me anymore.
I am a zombie of me.

Purple, blue, yellow, green, I watch as the pastel shades fade into a grayscale of emotions.
Demons.

Depression is my demon, it feels like an unbeatable force that doesn't give up on you no matter how hard you try to get rid of it..

All the pills in the world can't create an army.. or a wall.. Sometimes i feel as if I've lost all hope.. but other days it comes back.. and leaves.. them comes.. it's a repetitive pattern that I can't handle..

no matter how much I beg for the pills I know in my mind that they won't help..

I tell my self this..
everyday..
yet my thoughts don't change.

No matter how many therapeutic exercises I put my mind through nothing is changing!

I try so hard.
So hard.

But nobody seems to see a change in me..

an endless cycle of rise and fall is what I feel with my family.. that's how they see my progress even though I feel like I'm doing a 10/10.. I just want to be normal.. they tell me to vent yet when I do I get yelled at or judged.. they may not see it but I do..
I'm trying..

I really am..

yet the colors are still fading..

I haven't seen them in a while..

the darkness is my demons..

My demons..

are my depression..

My worst enemy..
the burden in the back of my skull rising to the front and all around causing me pain!

So much pain that seems never ending!!
No matter how hard I try to do things I love or smile,

it just doesn't feel the same.. it just doesn't anymore!! It is so hard to put all of this into words