Bellarke

1

"I was being weak."
The words echoed in the silent room. Clarke shook her head, tears streaming down her cheeks. One moment Bellamy and Murphy had been in the room where she had been chained, and the next everything had slipped away. She could not distinguish between reality and hallucinations anymore. What was real and what wasn't?
"No!" Clarke groaned, as she seen Bellamy's look of hurt flash before her eyes. The hint of betrayal. As if he didn't mean anything to her.
The guilt tore at her heart.
"You never cared did you Clarke? The only thing you cared about was sending me on that suicide mission. Of getting the job done." Bellamy said, his voice cold and angry, his eyes empty.
"I was wrong Bellamy! Please, you have to believe me. I didn't want to face it. Please Bellamy. I do care about you!" Clarke shouted, feeling desperate. She'd say anything to get that look off his face.
But he only looked at her colder.
"If you cared about me why did you send me to Mt Weather?!"
She dropped her head. Her throat was closing up, and she couldn't get the words out. She wanted to scream it, but the fear was holding her back. It was crippling her. The emotions were building behind her vocal chords, and even though she could breathe it felt like she could not because there was just so much fear and terror of expressing how she felt. Her throat was burning as everything blocked up.
She didn't want to lose him. Everytime she admitted it they all died.
"Just like I thought," Bellamy huffed.
She shook her head, fighting the blockage in her throat.
"I was easily replaceable. Just a man on a mission. I was expendable. Admit it Clarke."
"Your wrong," she managed to get out. "Nothing could replace you. You mean everything to me. No one was ever comparable to you. You have to believe me Bellamy. I never meant it like that. When you went on that mission I was terrified you would never come back. I sent you on the mission because I didn't want to be weak. I didn't want to face it. Lexa told me love was weakness. I-, "her throat closed up and cut the words off.
She changed tactics." I do care about you, " she whispered, gazing into his eyes.
His eyes softened. He walked over to her, kneeled down in front of her.
" Say it. Say it, Clarke," he said softly.
She knew what he meant. She shook her head. She couldn't get the words out.
Suddenly a gun shot fired, and she jumped. She glanced around, taking in the rest of her surroundings. Someone wearing a hooded cloak was standing in the corner of the room, a gun pointed at them in their hand.
She didn't feel any pain. And dreadfully, she looked at Bellamy, scanning him quickly for wounds.
He was frozen, an unforgettable expression of painful agony on his face.
She looked towards where his hands were clutching his side, exactly where his liver should be.
But he stayed upright, his face becoming more and more ghostly pale.
"Say it Clarke," he whispered. "Why did you really send me to Mt weather?"
Her eyes filled with tears again, and she put one hand on her face and an other on then wound to apply extra pressure. She couldn't lose him. Not now. She hadn't told him yet. It was never the right time or circumstances.
She started crying.
And suddenly the blockage in her throat loosened slightly. "I sent you to Mt Weather because I couldn't face the fact I had feelings for you. I believed what Lexa said; that love was weakness. I didn't want to be weak. So I sent you to prove to myself I didn't feel it," she stopped as his breathing became more rattled. His cheek becoming colder. His eyes were beginning to lose their shine.
Her heart pounded and shattered at the same time.
" Stay with me Bellamy. Please don't leave me. I need you!" the tears were flowing now. He was struggling to breathe.
His hand covered the one on his cheek, and she tried her best to ignore the blood.
"Say it."
So she did. And her heart felt automatically lighter. The feeling in her throat was gone. She felt like she was facing something she'd been in denial of for so long.
"I sent you there, because I was and still am in love with you. I didn't want to let myself realise it at the time. But I love you. I need you. Please don't go, Bellamy. I love you!"she told him.
She watched as he fought to stay upright, tears still running down her face. She felt his other hand slip from under hers on the wound and place it on her cheek. She tried to ignore the wet, sticky feeling that came from his blood. She focused on his warm brown eyes.
She never wanted to forget them. She wanted to stare at them forever.
"Clarke", he said.
She felt confused. His voice sounded urgent.
"Clarke, come back. Clarke!" he said, louder this time.
Suddenly the room became brighter, his hand didn't feel sticky anymore, and his eyes had that shine back in them, only this time they were glowing with something she could not quite comprehend.
The hand that had been on his wound was laying by her side. He had no wound anymore.
That feeling like Clarke had woken up from a very vivid dream washed over her. And she realized everything had just been a hallucination. But she couldn't stop crying.
Because the taste of watching him die was something she never wanted to experience ever again.
The real Bellamy had his hand still on her cheek.
"I'm okay Clarke. I'm fine. I'm here to stay. I'm right here," he whispered, his voice filled with emotion. His eyes were soft, and his hand never left her face.