First Name Jesse, Last Name James

Where to Begin

I was incredibly restless the following months with Frank gone. I often found myself aimlessly walking around town with no destination in sight. Zee said it was cabin fever, mother said it was a bad batch of tobacco. I'd been tuning into the gossip that surrounded the Quantrill lately. From the sound of it they were spiraling out of control.

Gossip was that 'Bloody' Bill was mad as a deranged dog. I thought of Frank constantly, waiting for the news of his death. Would they even tell us, would anyone notice his body? I sighed heavily as I waited for Zee at the corner store. She had said something about going shopping and helping me keep myself busy.

I caught sight of her bouncing curls first. She wore a simple cream colored dress, with the brown leather belt I had bought her for her birthday last year. A smile etched its way on her face when she saw me. Threading her arm through mine, she tugged me along through town. "So you gonna tell me the real reason for this spontaneous shopping trip." I knew Zee since we were kids, and I knew everything she did was delicately planned and never without meaning. She wanted to tell me something, then use shopping as a way to get her mind off of it. She frowned a little then sighed.

"Sometimes you are too clever for your own good Jesse." I chuckled as she pouted, but I probed her further.

"I think you should find Frank." I stopped abruptly and stared at her. I hadn't expected her to say that, not even close, but I had considered...

"You're worried right? And you’re goin' crazy here, so I just thought..."

"You're right, that is the most logical course of action to take." I pondered the idea, long enough to make her sound deflated.

"You're not gunna say 'but' anytime soon, are you?" I smiled gently at her. Sometimes I truly believed she knew what happened in my head a lot better than I did. I reached out and tucked a curl behind her ear. I kept her company for the rest of the afternoon, holding her parcels, buying her ice cream, anything she wanted, I gave to her. The sun was beginning to set as we neared the white picket fence of her house. She had been sighing the whole way,

"I feel like this is the Last Supper for us." I pulled her hand and took her slim form into my embrace. Her hands kneaded into my shirt and buried her face into the crook of my neck.

"Come back okay? Please come back to me Jesse James, promise?"  Her glassy eyes looked up into mine and held my gaze. It broke my heart to see my Zee like this. I took her hand and kissed her palm,

"I promise Zee, I promise." I made sure she made it inside before I started heading back to town. It was dusk by the time I reached my Aunt's house where my mother and sisters were staying while our new home was being built. I sat myself down on one of the mothball eaten couches. I waited patiently for my mother to put the little ones to bed. She sighed heavily before finally resting herself beside me.

"What's on your mind baby?" Her face was worn out and her blue eyes reflected her tiredness.

"It's been nearly three months since Frank left with Bill Anderson and I can’t help but feel, edgy..." I told her simply, her eyebrows had raised only a fraction at my statement. Her face settled until it looked grim.

"Anderson is turning into a kicked dog. After his defeat in Arkansas his movements have become, reckless. It’s enough to make the chickens edgy too." I stared at my mother in disbelief. I hadn't known she had been following the raider’s movements. I hadn’t figured that Frank's absence had disturbed her so.

"I'm worried for him Jess, he was lost before. Now I fear I'll never see my boy again." Her voice sounded strained. I understood her feelings entirely, 'Bloody' Bill was going to take this too far at some point, and drag my brother down with 'em. I felt my mother's warm hand on my arm and I looked at her,

"I have no right to ask this of you Jesse, even as your mother," her pale eyes pleaded with mine, "but please, bring your brother home." I placed my hand over hers and smiled with confidence I didn't feel,

"I promise, Ma." She nodded and left me alone on the couch to go tend to a crying infant. So, I was to find Frank and bring him home, huh? I pulled out one of the empty rucksacks from underneath a cot. I grabbed as many shirts, pants and bullets that my bag would carry. Slipping on a long tailed leather jacket I looked for the only thing my father had left for me when he died; a silver handled revolver. 

I tucked it into my belt and hid underneath my jacket. I wouldn't wait for sunrise to go to him. I followed my brother's ghostly tracks out of town. Lawrence, Kansas was where I was headed, according to the gossip Quantrill had set up their camp outside the town. I hoped to find my brother there, still alive and sane. Praying, I hoped that the gun on my hip would remain there until I returned home. I should have known better than to speak to deaf ears.

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