confessions

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by offtohell-

by offtohell-

i think one thing i have
always struggled with
is probably the
idea of loving myself.
i mean how
how do i tell
my brain
"hey! love yourself"

and accept
in my heart?

last year i promised myself
i would take whatever
roads were necessary to
love who i am
as a damaged
hurt
and often rambling
adult.
i dont think i've
strayed too
far from that path

but how
oh how could
i convince myself!
i pondered and
pondered
i had nothing.

i began to
draw and to
write. i began to
tell
stories of
far away places in
the most intricate words
and delicate phrases.

someone asked me yesterday
"how do you teach those around
you to love themselves
and yet tell us you don't ?"

she couldn't understand
why i hated to see
my reflection
in the mirror
or why when i took
selfies
i covered my eyes.

i couldn't bare to
see the truth staring back at me,

i hated myself-
they threatened to tell
me.

i avoided them.

she later said to me
"its not you who
hates yourself
but you hate the idea
of you happy."

i couldn't fathom
myself happy?
i couldn't fathom
me smiling from
the sweet kisses of
a loved one?

i couldn't?

i couldn't.

not back then and
not yesterday,
but today i urge
everyone who
sees this and
hates themselves
to take a small step
day by day
to self love.

you are all
mini stars.

mikrokosmos.

scintillas.

souls.

galaxies.

planets and plutos.

i urge you to
love yourself no
matter how long it takes