Test Me (Tsuki x Kuroo)

Chapter 4

We play a friendly match. We lose the friendly match. Hinata looks like he could cry. Kageyama looks like he could definitely make Hinata cry. The coaches are talking and Kuroo's calling us all over to where he's surrounded by his teammates.

Except he's not. He isn't calling all of us.

"I think he's calling you, Tsuki," Daichi says, wiping the sweat dripping down his forehead with a towel. I don't tell him Tanaka spent his bench time sitting on top of it.

Instead, I shrug and pretend I didn't quite hear him. This could have worked if only Suga's hands weren't already on me, pushing me over to where Kuroo is. 

"Go, go, he might have more tips for us." He says more because Kuroo gave us a lot of tips during the match.

"Do I have to?" I ask. The practice is over in a few minutes anyway.

"Absolutely!" Hinata jumps out. 

Hinata is a little box of surprises if the box was on fire and all the surprises jumped out with a way-too-high-pitched scream and that confetti that gets everywhere and takes forever to clean. One of the surprises is his ability to join conversations out of nowhere. One minute he's nowhere to be seen and the next he's right there, spitting out input I would rather have him swallow.

Like a little demon. Hinata's a little demon.

I walk over to Kuroo. I'm not happy about this.

"The boys were wondering if you could block for us a little bit," he says.

"Practice is almost over." I don't feel like blocking for them. I'm tired and sweating and I want to shower and go home. His home.

"Yeah, we know, but we still have time," Kuroo says with a smile. Sweat drips from his hair to his forehead and his t-shirt sticks to his upper body.

I wonder if I can just say no. No, thanks, I'm pretty tired. Sorry about that. Maybe next time. Wonder if the power of hope will stop them from asking again.

"Maybe next time?" I ask, scratching the back of my neck. I'm too tired for this kind of interaction. I want silence in the same way all of us wanted cool water down our throats just a few minutes ago.

Kuroo's looking at me weird. Does he know? That I want an out of this conversation? Right now.

"Sure." He kind of smiles, wiping the sweat away from his eyes. He turns to his boys then, "Sorry, guys, next time."

The next time I see him, I'm jerking awake back in his apartment with a sudden weight on top of me. His weight.

"Uh, hi," I blurt out, rubbing my eyes awake.

Kuroo jumps up to his feet, "Jesus fuck, Tsuki! I-I, fuck, I didn't see you there. Why are you in the dark?" He's hovering over the couch where I'm half sitting half laying dead. I don't remember falling asleep. Don't think anyone ever does actually. 

Kuroo has his hand wrapped around the fabric of his sweatshirt, right over his heart. I don't know how to explain this. The tv is off. All the lights are off. I was off. The only light comes in from the streetlamps outside. And the moon. And the stars.

How do I explain that I was looking at that?

I sit up straight, "Sorry, I fell asleep."

Kuroo furrows his eyebrows and crashes next to me, "What were you doing before that?"

Fuck sake's, why is he asking?

I scratch the nape of my neck, "Well, if you - if you turn off the lights, you get a pretty good view of the sky outside. And your couch is pretty comfortable too."

Kuroo's smiling, but in a weird way. I stop myself from thinking it any further and he moves closer to me. He's looking out the window now, not saying a word. Instead, he kicks off his shoes and lets Rhae crawl to his lap.

I don't know what to say. The moon is still there. A full circle on the night sky. The stars too. Not too many, but enough. I decide I don't have to say anything at all. He probably doesn't want me to anyway. He had a long day. Probably just wants silence after work.

I grab my earphones and my phone from where they fell on the floor and put one on. I give the other to him.

I'm tempted to let him pick the song, but not enough. I play The XX because most days it puts me to sleep and I reckon that's what he needs.

I watch him smile next to me, eyes still out the window, into the night. The moon is especially bright tonight and it keeps me calm. Grounded. It's taking a deep breath. It's a comedown. Like laying down in bed after the longest day. Dropping your shoulders. Unclenching your jaw. Untightening your muscles.

I almost fall asleep again. I want to. Next to me, his breathing changes to a soft, rhythmic one. Soothing. I get up. Wonder if I should just leave him and hope gravity does its job and lays him down. Finally, guess it wouldn't kill me to give it a hand.

I do. I lay him down. Rhae purs at me and I take it as gratitude. The cat crawls back to Kuroo and settles next to his neck. I get a blanket from the basket next to the couch and lay it over him.

Watching him sleep is a relief. It's somewhat like watching the sea finally calming down after a day-long storm.

I go up the stairs to my bed. His bed? His parents' bed? I don't care.

The team's group chat is a constant stream of messages I can't be fucked to read. Last time I checked, Hinata had been sucked into a video game with the Kenma guy and Tanaka was going out for dinner with Suga and Daichi, like a family. Tanaka, the kid. Suga, the mother. Daichi, the father. The kind where it really is the kid that pushes the parents into a bitter divorce.

I text my mom, tell her I'm fine. I am.