Ugh,working as a wageslave can be so tiring.i cant wait for a very hell damnit long day off for Ramadhan , at least for me to have a stop for my mind. working in the ward could be very tiring you know.
at least there'll be terawikh in Ramadhan and plus,i dont have any mood to Raya this year ( and i didnt get my off for Raya - that could be okay since Raya in PJ is about solat raya-balik-makan-tidur ) and yeah.
these days is a very gloomy day you know.Last night i have a fight with my father.Really,i cant even stand when an outsider which is a man,slept in my room ( i mean my 2nd house in Perak) for freaking 3 months and yet,my father back up that man which turns out to be my own cousin.I really cannot stand him.
And the most heartbreaking thing that my father said to me is ,
" I dont really hope all of you came here all the way from KL to Perak. I dont want you to come either."
I have this fight when i was about driving my car.I wish i could died anyway in an motor vehicle accident or else,since i was the eldest and i couldn't do anything for my own family.
i cried a lot after that incident. i spoken to my mom regarding this situation and she blames the whole situation on me ( in past i said i didnt want to go back there since i was busy with my part time work and stuff).
Yet,again,i feel like a loser again.It's sucks you know.
Aku baru fikir macam nak satukan depa ni pakai baju raya sama - sama ( aku beli kurta adik aku kaler biru pekat,dan aku order baju batik kaler biru pekat - but yet,it is effortless).
Mungkin sebab aku ni bukan manusia yang baik kut agaknya.I dont deserve a happy family and a happy ending.
I feel empty for this Raya.And also goes the other year and same of it.
Apa yang aku boleh buat sekarang adalah,i have to do my best all the time.Kerja elok-elok,start cari duit lebih,dan sekolahkan adik aku tinggi-tinggi.Then only kalau ada rezeki,degree.
Untuk korang yang mempunyai family yang utuh dan bahagia,bersyukurlah.Having a deep pain inside,it's like a sword strikes beneath your heart.
i want to sleep forever.cause if i wake up,i will interacts with other people and make some problems.lebih baik aku tidur,tak payah jumpa sesiapa.for the rest of my life.
i just want a happy life.
that's it.
dahlah,aku nak sambung layan rehat.kejap lagi nak sponging patient pulak.
