Canem Story Time with Prince

Would you run to me if somebody hurt you, even if that somebody was me?

"Would you run to me if somebody hurt you, even if that somebody was me?"-- "If I Was Your Girlfriend," Prince 

Episode 38 Spec (This was written before the episode aired, so it's a different disaster from the one that plays out on the show. ;) Rated G. Angst ahead.)

Sanem

"If you don't want to get married, say it. We can back out of it," Can says. His voice is indifferent.

I look at him in disbelief. "Can, what are you saying?"

"Sanem, we have been arguing for a week. All I want is to marry you, but you keep finding excuses to delay our wedding." His voice has gone from indifferent to cold, as have his eyes. I have met this version of Can more times than I care to remember, and I flinch when he speaks again, expecting the hurtful words that he hurls at me. "I'm beginning to think you don't really want marriage. I can't do this anymore. It isn't working."

I'm stunned and I just stand there looking at him. He begins to fidget under my intense stare. I think he knows he went too far, but his pride won't let him take it back. He strikes quickly in anger, and doesn't feel regret until he has calmed. I know his pattern. I come back to myself, and, without a word, go upstairs to change out of the wedding dress back into my own clothes. I leave without saying goodbye. I vaguely register him calling my name as I walk out the door, but I ignore him and hail a taxi. I cry all the way home.

Can's words play over and over in my head, keeping the mind-numbing sleep I'm hoping for at bay. I turn over onto my back and try to find a comfortable position. What a cruel joke this day has turned out to be. We were so excited to model for this campaign, and at first, we were giddy with excitement. We thought it would be fun to do something that focused on us after a week of planning Leyla and Emre's wedding. He looked incredibly handsome in his wedding clothes, and oh, god...the way he looked at me when he saw me come down the stairs in the first dress. I thought his eyes would set me on fire.

Everything was fine until I came downstairs in the third dress. As the two times before, his eyes caressed me from head to toe; his love and desire for me tangible. When I reached him, he took my hands in his and brought them to his mouth. His lips lingered against my knuckles and his eyes never broke contact with mine. My stomach flipped and my heart pounded. And then he said it.

"Sanem, let's get married. Let's forget our mothers and all these traditional things. These things are not us. Our mothers will be okay in time--they will get used to the idea eventually. Let's go now and do it. I want you to be mine already."

I drew my hands away from him, and took a step back. "Can, we talked about this. I thought you understood how I feel. I need our families to support us 100% and be happy for us. I can't be happy knowing they are not. We can keep trying, they will come around soon. Please just be a little more patient."

And that's when everything went to hell. Since I left the photo shoot, I haven't stopped crying. I just want to be alone in the dark and feel the crack in my heart expand until it rips me open.

I ignore my parents when they ask what's wrong, and I won't open the door for Leyla.

I realize the only person I want is Can and fresh tears run hot down my cheeks and I sob into my pillow. I'm so angry with him--so angry!--but right now, all I want is him lying next to me with his body wrapped around mine. I want to rage at him and make him feel my pain, and then I want to cry into his chest while his hands rub my back and his voice soothes me. I look at the clock and it's 2:15. I make a decision. I get up and get dressed. I refuse to let him take himself away from me.

Can

It's the middle of the night, but I'm not asleep, so I see her approach the door. I must have conjured her out of pure will--she's all I've been thinking about since she stormed out of the photo shoot. I can be such an asshole sometimes, and I know I wounded her. I wanted to check on her, go to her, but I didn't think she'd want to see me. I'm so relieved to see her that I jump up to open the door before she knocks. My eyes drink her in and I see that she's been crying. Of course she has; I might as well have cut her heart out and stomped on it. Her eyes and nose are swollen, but she's still the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

"Sanem, it's late. What are you doing here?" I grimace, because I know I sound like I don't want her to be here, and that isn't true.

She isn't fazed by my question. "Can I come in?"

I move aside to make room for her to enter and she does. I close the door behind her and turn to face her.

"Can, you hurt me." She gets right to the point. She squares her shoulders and widens her stance, like she's preparing for battle. "You can't do this to me every time you get frustrated or angry," she continues. "I won't allow it," she says, her voice unwavering and her gaze steady. "When you're angry, it's like you know exactly where to aim to do the most damage, and you don't hesitate to pull the trigger." She jabs her finger into my chest over my heart for emphasis. "Can, I know you love me and I know you want to be with me, but I don't deserve this kind of treatment from you every time you don't like something I do or say." With the last statement, she loses a little bit of her resolve, and I see her start to crumble a little. He shoulders droop and her eyes are pleading.

"If it had been anyone else who hurt me, you would've been the person I would've gone to. Why should it be different because this time you're the one who hurt me? You are my lover and my best friend and I need you to help me through this. I need you to understand me and help me fix it."

"Sanem..." I start, but she cuts me off.

"Let me finish, Can. How can you hurt me like this when I need you so much? Do you know how much power you have over me?" Her voice breaks and a sob escapes her, tears streaming freely down her face. She doesn't even bother wiping them away. "I wonder if you realize what comes out of you in anger. I wonder if you regret your words. Are you as hurt as I am right now? Do you care about how I feel, or are you just satisfied that you hit your target?"

"No, Sanem! Please don't think that I would ever feel any satisfaction in causing you pain. On the contrary, I hate myself for hurting you like this." I carefully pull her into my embrace and stroke her hair. I'm relieved that she lets me. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean what I said...not at all. And I know that doesn't excuse it, but I have to tell you I didn't mean it. If you can forgive me, of course I want to marry you...of course I will wait as long as I have to for us to be together. I will do anything to make you happy.  Me without you? Is such a thing possible?" I kissed her hair three times in succession before I continued. "I spoke out of frustration and anger at the situation--you've done nothing wrong. You're so good, actually, for wanting our families to be happy before thinking of our own happiness. I am a selfish bastard." I lean back from her slightly and wipe her tears away with my hands. I hold the back of her head in my hand and kiss her forehead and her eyelids before I rest her head back on my chest and rub her back in soothing circles. Though she's leaning all her weight against me, her arms stay at her sides as she weeps, soaking my shirt with her tears. She's not ready to forgive me yet, but I am so lucky that she will still allow me to comfort her. It gives me hope that I can win her back.