Destination: Lost Love

0.10

"Can I have this dance?" 

I turned to face Kai, holding out his hand for me to take. No words needed to be said when I took his and we quietly swayed to the beat of the soft song- much different from anything I usually played. 

While I laid my head on his shoulder, breathing in his scent of soft laundry detergent and cologne, I couldn't help but let my mind wander. 

The first thing my mind brought myself to think about was how sweet this all was, the effort he put to giving me the literal dream first date was almost only in stories. Not even my own family had put this much effort into something for me, I was both confused and grateful. 

The second thing I thought about was how I was supposed to be inspired to write by this. The boys were expecting me to write a love sappy song that was soft and sweet, but I didn't know the first thing about any of that silly shit. The song we currently were dancing to was exactly the kind of song they were looking for to bring a new audience and following to our band, but was that really what we wanted to sing? 

Third and most confusing of all, this was Kai. How had someone who has expressed his hatred for me on multiple occasions managed to be the only person on this earth to make me feel this special? I couldn't tell if it was all an act to help the boys or if his actions were actually genuine.

Before I could question anything else I found Kai slightly pulling away from me only to have himself a better angle to look at my entire face. I could now properly see the dark cricles underneath his eyes, this was something I often noticed about his face. His green eyes especailly tonight held an alive glint that I had only witnessed a handlefull of times and his hair was really going to start obscuring his eyesight if he didn't get a haircut soon. Their was no cocky smirk or viscous sneer on his face that I was used to, almost as if his face had lost all expression and he was lost in thought exactly like I was. 

Before I knew it I found his face coming awfully slowly close to my own face, his eyes wanting to close but watching my every move to see how i'd react. 

How am I going to react?  Did I want to kiss him? 

I was broken out of my trance when the slow song quickly and what I thought was very abruptly changed to a very fast paced song, completely breaking both of us from each other and the trance we were both in. 

"Fuck" Kai muttered quietly, I didn't think he wanted me to hear but I had. 

Quickly recollecting myself and my racing heart, I turned towards the picnic Kai had set up earlier. "Shall we eat?" 

Not too long later we were both munching down on some pizza, I had pulled the cinnabons to be my treat for later by having them rest between my legs away from where Kai could get them. 

"So have you got any inspiration yet?" Kai started conversation after finishing his second peice of pizza. 

"I wish I could say yes." I sighed getting myself worked up about the song again. "It's just.." Stopping, not wanting to bring my own problems onto him. 

"Oh cmon don't be shy now." Kai laughed pushing me to continue, but when I hadn't his face fell. "I didn't ask just to start conversation I want to hear whats going on in that big head of yours." 

I ignored the insult to my head and sighed. "I just don't know if the music Brass wants me to write about is the music I want to be playing." I looked down at my hands, ashamed because Brass was my bestfriend and here I was talking behind him. "He wants me to make a sterotypical love song because thats what almost every band's first number one is based off of. I wanna go number one, I want our band to grow, but I just feel like this isn't us." 

"So then write a song that is "us" " Kai shrugged using air quotations making it sound much easier than it was. 

"Easier said than done" 

"No." Kai sat up onto his knees to look me in the eyes better. "Do you want to know why this song is so hard for you to make?" 

I rolled my eyes. "Because I have never been in love" 

"Well that," Kai rolled his eyes back. "And, because your trying to be someone your not while writing." 

I arched my eyebrow both in question and in a challenge, keeping quiet for him to continue. 

"Have you ever thought about the idea that you could write about how you've never been in love?" Kai paused waiting for a reaction. What was the point of  LOVE song without love. "Love isn't going to come and find you when you feel like its handy or necessary for your own benefit, love isn't about your benefit and your gain." 

"Millions of people are out there waiting for love to come because they think somehow it will make thier life better, make them want to live more. But love isn't about making life better, it's about making another persons better... and how are you supposed to do that if you can't even do that to your own." 

"Love is selfless, it's not about you and your gain. It's about supporting and encouring another ones. If you think love is going to come out and find you for the benefit of your music you got it all wrong." 

I paused, silence surrounded us as I thought exactly what Kai had said. There was almost a bit of defenseness to it. Kai was right though, I was selfish for my music, but that's exactly what I had to be. 

Before I could even say anything back, the smashing of heavy boots and flashes of a light coming up the stairs was all either of us could focus on. 

"Police! We're coming up!" Kai and I looked at eachother with wide eyes before we both scrabbled to our feet. I kicked our belongings back into the back pack so fast while he scrambled to grab his phone that was playing music, the disconnecting of the makeshift aux cord loud within the whole stadium. 

"Cmon, I know another way out." Kai whispered before grabbing my hand and dragging me down another hallway of the abanodoned stadium.