Bittersweet
The bitterness envelops me, taking away what I once knew;
The feelings of joy, security, visibility, confidence, and having the ability to smile.
Now I feel depression, bitterness, insecurity, loneliness, and invisibility.
I am invisible to everyone but myself,
And myself does not want to know the real me.
I feel like the real me is a disgrace, a disgrace to everyone around me.
I am never able to get anything right;
People don’t understand me, want me.
I don’t know why I don’t feel any anger,
Maybe it’s because I rarely feel anything toward anyone.
All I feel I is invisibility, fear, and shame.
No one here notices my slightly high-pitched giggle, or my lopsided smile.
So I no longer give them.
Why should I if no one cares about them?
Why should I if no one sees them?
Why should I if no one appreciates them?
Blushing, smiling girls, love sparkling in their eyes;
They hold the hands of the ones they love.
Protective, relieved, happy guys with a smile dancing in their eyes;
They put their arm around the one they love, pull them close to them.
People have no reason to pay attention to my imperfect giggle and smile, I realize.
Everyone just pays attention to the ones they love;
Why am I so different than everyone else?
Why do I care about numerous strangers?
I don’t understand?!
Why do I try to cater to a stranger’s needs and wants?
I don’t see any other people going out of their way for strangers, time and time again.
Maybe, somewhere along the way, I lost my common sense.
People that are smart don’t go around making sure that strangers are happy within their lives.
They don’t try to helplessly try to fix it if they aren’t.
I don’t know why I insist on doing this.
Everyone says that I am naïve,
That I obviously don’t know how to take care of myself;
I see it in their eyes.
They don’t understand how a sane person can feel woebegone because they have failed to help a stranger.
These people think I am on the verge of insanity.
I go walking to clear my head because it is full of endless, motionless clutter.
I rethink every single action I take, emotion I feel, and thought I think.
Like almost everyone, I wish a time machine was already invented.
Life would be SO much easier.
There are huge holes in my memories.
Sometimes I can barely remember anything before I turned 10.
Sometimes I remember some depressing memories;
