BEAUTIFUL DISASTER ➸ OSCAR DIAZ [2]

SEVEN

IT'S BEEN WEEKS since I was in Oscar's room, but it still looks the same.

I lie down on my back on his bed and stare at the ceiling. There are so many things that I wanna say to him, but I can't. It's like something's stopping me.

"Are you okay? Do you want some water? You should probably flush the drugs and alcohol out of your system." Oscar rambles as he awkwardly sits down on the edge of the bed, keeping his distance from me.

"Oscar why are you acting weird? And no, I want to keep this stuff in my system please and thank you, it makes me feel better." I say with a sigh. I let my eyes linger on the ceiling for a couple more seconds before sitting up and crossing my legs.

"Did something happen?"

I exhale a breathy laugh as I fiddle with my thumbs. "Yeah, I got shot. And before that, I got raped by my ex-boyfriend and I almost got raped again tonight! We broke up, me and Sam are drifting apart, I barely ever see Demetrius and the one time that I do he makes me snort cocaine with him and there's just something off about Mateo. A lot is going on Oscar, and I don't think I should be here right now. I'm going to walk back to my house and my mom might actually kill me but fuck it who cares." A shaky breath passes my lips after I finish my rant, and I look up to see what Oscar's reaction is. A bunch of emotions cross his face but the one that stays is sadness.

Silence hangs in the air between us until he breaks it, "Lo siento mucho mi amor." The words barely leave his mouth and I can see the pain in his eyes as he stares straight at me. "I should've been there for you. I know I wasn't the best boyfriend, but if you'd just give me another chance-"
[translation: I'm so sorry my love]

"Yeah, you should've been there, but you weren't." I abruptly interrupt his begging. "Where were you, Oscar? You had weeks to come and talk to me but you didn't! You drove past me and acted like I wasn't even there. And to top it all off, you've been fucking around with some other girl! You claim that you love me oh so much, but I call bullshit. I don't think you actually love me. If you did, then you wouldn't have acted like such a coño!" I shout as I hop off the bed and stand in the middle of the room instead. Damn, I'm a bad bitch when I'm high. Sober me would've never said any of that.

Oscar shakes his head and stands up as well. "You know damn well that ain't true. You're the only person I've ever said 'I love you' to besides Cesar. Eres el amor de mi vida y no puedo vivir sin ti!" He inhales a shaky breath and in a quiet voice, he adds, "Please don't leave me. I can't lose you too."
[translation: You're the love of my life and I can't live without you]

My knees buckle as the ground under my feet begins to sway. I feel so faint and dizzy and it's not because of the stupid movie shit this pendejo said. Oscar's arms immediately go around my waist to steady me. "Hey, are you okay? Sit down, lemme go get some water."

I smack his shoulder as he forces me to sit down on his bed. "Get your hands off of me you idiot, I hate you!"

"Even after everything, I said?"

I groan loudly, "Especially after everything you said! You're so annoying and I hate you so much! You can't just abandon me and then waltz back into my life and say shit like that! What kind of dumbass does that?!" I rise to my feet and harshly shove him. But of course, as expected he doesn't move. "I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!" I shout, hitting his chest with every word.

He wraps his arms around my body and holds me close as I hyperventilate. "Lo siento," he whispers in my ear. "Lo siento." No, he can't do this shit to me. I can't handle any more people playing with my heart. Fuck it, who needs a heart? I'm so sick and tired of being pushed around by everyone and being controlled by my feelings. Fuck feelings. Fuck Oscar. Fuck Elijah.