So what now?

Where to begin?

Rose POV

I lay there on my bed lost in thought. Lissa had left my room for curfew about an hour ago. I had showed her the note and Stake that Dimitri had sent to me. I told her that my promise to him was unfulfilled, and I would have to finish it before I could really be able to move forward in my life. I could not yet bring myself to tell her that Victor Dashkov could be the key to bringing Dimitri back to life as a Dhampir. I was not sure if she could handle it after ever thing she had just gone through with Avery. I thought about what she said to me when I told her that I should go out and find him.

"No Rose. If you go after him alone again, he'll kill you."

I knew she was right. I was still getting my strength back after the last time. Even if I did go after him would I be able to kill him if there was a chance to save him?

I felt my heart pound and my chest tighten so I could hardly breathe. So many emotions went through me I could barely name them. The strongest was longing. I longed for Dimitri; not the Strigoi I thought I killed, but for my love, the man I tried to release from life as a monster.

Then there was the guilt that I felt for longing for Dimitri. Adrian loved me, I knew he did. He proved it when he gave me the money to go on my quest to find Dimitri. I knew he loved me enough to help me try to break Victor Dashkov out of prison. I knew he loved me enough to help me save my first love. If I asked him, he would do anything for me. Could I be that cruel to him?

I also felt guilty because I knew that if I went through with the plan to save Dimitri; to use spirit to change him back into a Dhampir, I was going to ask Lissa to face the man she feared most in the whole world. Face him and free him from the life sentence he earned for abducting and torturing her just a few months ago.

I let myself go to her. It was after curfew and I had expected to find her in her room sleeping. Being him her dreams had to be better than being in my head. I was surprised not only because of where she was but who she was talking to. Guardian Janine Hathaway, my mother, was sitting with her in one of the lounges of the Moroi dorm she lived in. I could see my mother's face wore a look of worry and distress. I could feel that Lissa surprised to have my mother ask to talk to her in private.

"Vasilisa, Please tell me why Rose went to Russia. Why was she looking for Guardian Belikov's family? Was she also looking for Dimitri himself?"

Lissa was surprised by how much my mother already knew. (No doubt my father Abe Mazur filled her in on some of my exploits) I could feel her try to keep her thoughts and feelings from showing on her face.

"Guardian Hathaway,"

"Please, you can call me Janine."

"Janine, I don't think it is my place to tell you."

I could see my mother begin to put her no non-sense guardian face on, but before she could say anything Lissa spoke again.

"I do however think that Rose needs to tell you herself. There is so much she needs to share. She has been through So much this last year. I honestly think she needs you. She needs her mother."

My mother almost looked vulnerable when she said. "Do you think she will talk to me? She has resented me for so long. She thinks I love my job much more than her. I have never had the kind of relationship I wanted to have with her. I guess we are too much alike. I doubt that she will open up to me."

I could swear that what Lissa said next was directed to me as much as it was my mother. (But how did she know I was listening?)

"You and Rose are family. You both have to put your pre judgments and fears aside and talk. Open up to each other, as mother and daughter and as grown women."

My mother stopped for a moment to think but she looked doubtful. Lissa looked directly into her eyes.

"Go to Rose and talk to her."

(No way, she just used compulsion on Janine Hathaway!) Then I heard it. Lissa spoke directly to me though the bond.

"Rose talk to her. Be honest. Tell her everything, she is your mother and she loves you. If you act like an adult, she will treat you like one."

(Does Lissa know I'm with her right now?)

"Yes, I can feel you here. She's coming to see you. Be nice to her."

Whoa that is too weird!

I jumped back to myself and my room. Our bond has always been one sided. How did this happen. When? Once back in my body I became aware of how I was feeling. Sick. I was so tired from all the stress. I've only been home for a day. I was still weak from being Strigoi Dimitri's blood whore. I had more work ahead of me if I was going to graduate, get back my position as Lissa's guardian and find a way to kill or save Dimitri. The worrying and the exhaustion did not mix well with the Chinese food we had for dinner. I did something that until recently, I have only had to do a handful of times before. I ran to the bathroom to get sick.