Clouded Judgement

Generations Apart

The seed for this tree of thoughts was planted in my mind when I watched a video today which discussed the cause and effect of most Indians being conservative with anything pertaining to sex or even remotely sex-related. Talking about sex when in a group or public is equivalent to wading through a minefield. People make it seem like we're in a Church, on a Sunday, filled with Christians and we just yelled out "Hail Satan".

India, the country where I struggle, survive and live through the good times and bad. I share this land with 1.35 billion other people and yet you will see middle-aged and senior citizens talk as freely as they wish about having children But never a word about sex. Do they assume they just have to pray really hard to their gods and a child just appears on their doorstep the next day? Everything from sex education to family planning is not received well with a large portion of the population. If you spend enough time in an Indian society, you will often see a man or a woman, usually of the older generation quizzing someone, usually in their late 20s about their job prospects, wedding dates and most important question of them all, “when are you going to have kids?”. It is the bane of many relationships we have with our elders. Perhaps, the distinction between our minds grow rapidly because the world's constantly changing but the people are choosing to stay the same, rigid old self. A famous Blues musician, Darryl Davis once said, “we're living in space age times with stone age minds”. That quote is simple at first glance but has so much gravitas to it that it takes a while for the full meaning of it to sediment in the depths of your mind.

Once you get married or have been married for longer than a year or two, you will start noticing people in your family, relatives and sometimes even nosy neighbours who encourage you to have children, regardless of whether you want to have a kid or not. They love to encourage couples to have more kids but for once I'd love for them to encourage them to have more sex. Sex, unlike having children, is more likely to save someone's marriage or strengthen it even more. They love to treat the act of having children as a one-stop solution for all problems in married life.

Do you have a struggling marriage? Have kids.

Is your Marriage on the brink of divorce? Have kids.

Are you trying to have more sex? Accidentally have kids.

If it was not stigmatized so much, talking more openly about sex, discussing it with our partners would enable us to be more loving, kind and deserving of our partners. It would allow us the immensely underrated ability to understand one another, which would pave the way for a healthy marriage and more often than not, help you stay together. Having children is unlike any other change we've made to our lives. It is a full-blown responsibility which would render the next 15-18 years of our lives moot because it would revolve around this person, this extension of ourselves and yet we raise them in hopes that when it matters, they're the best of both worlds.

Lastly, I leave you with this. If you want to have children, that's alright. If you never want to have children, that's alright too. What we need to learn and accept as second nature is that we must be in a secure place mentally, emotionally and financially with ourselves as well our partners before contemplating to bring a child into this cruel, unforgiving, god-forsaken world.

                                  SO BE IT