Eviternal [manxman]

Mateo x Nolan - II

Mateo x Nolan II

"What?" 

I winced at how harsh Matty sounded and backed away a little. I knew I should have waited with telling him about that aspect of my life until our problems were resolved but I couldn't keep that secret any longer. I needed to share it to work through it but I hadn't wanted  to drive him away so I carried it around with me for centuries, hoping he didn't figure it out on his own. Now I was about to tell him everything and I didn't know what to do.

"I'm sorry, I didn't intend for it to come out that way." He apologized, cupping my face.

He pulled me closer and I held my breath, still afraid of him rejecting me. He didn't and just held my head, rushing his thumb over my cheek as I stared up at him. I bit my lip, confused because this gesture was turning me on since it reminded me of our nightly routine of getting ready, sleeping together, telling each other how much we loved the other person and now was definitively not the time for that. I wished it were though.

"Talk to me, please." He begged.  "Tell me what happened."

I couldn't just not tell him now and I really wanted to get this off my chest. I had been carrying this around for centuries now and I knew I should have told him before I kissed him for the first time but his feelings for me were still fresh and I hadn't wanted to lose him. Once we got married, I had been scared he was going to hold it against me for keeping it from him for so long. 

"My parents were very strict and always demanded my siblings and I followed their rules without asking why or trying to negotiate on rules. They just expected us to accept their authority without making a fuss about it." I started to describe my childhood. "The rules were fine, things like be home by ten, don't do drugs, no lying and things like that. Would have probably been better if they explained to us why but they didn't come up with unreasonable rules which were impossible to follow."

I could see him waiting for further details but I just didn't know how to properly articulate myself right now. Word choice felt rather important currently since I didn't want to sound like a pathetic victim of circumstance. I had made that decision that heavily impacted my life and what came of it was no one else's fault but my own.

"I don't know why but they were starting to get a little weird once I turned sixteen. I'm sure there is a reason for their change in behavior." I continued after a while. "I already knew that I wasn't interested in girls but they tried setting me up with the neighbor's daughter. We had been friends since we were little but that obviously didn't work out so well for obvious reasons and they wanted to know why I didn't like her. Let's say they didn't react well and told me to get my act together. "

"You said they were like any other parents." Matty huffed, letting go off my face.

"They were." I tried to justify my lie. "For my siblings."

He wrinkled his nose and I gave him an apologetic look. I shouldn't have lied to him and I knew that. In retrospect our entire marriage was built upon that lie of me having had a normal life. He knew he wasn't my first and it didn't seem to bother him but maybe the fact that there had been a lot of people before him would. He deserved to make that decision and I took it away from him because I was just that selfish.

I had found him extremely attractive, both because he hadn't looked at me like I was a piece of meat that only served the purpose of gratifying him and he seemed like he wanted to be my friend without having any ulterior motives. I had made sure to spend as much time as possible with him and had fallen madly in love with him. I hadn't been able to accept the idea of him not wanting me because of my past and just kept that from him entirely.