Falling Apart (On Hold)

Chapter Eighteen

So, it turns out that I CAN actually write even without the period, comma, and enter key working on the laptop because my brother found the onscreen keyboard! It's quicker than you guys think. :) I'm so relieved it was mostly just these keys and not any of the letters so thank you God! :D

So yeah, more drama coming up :) Just a heads up.

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"Cash, I don't know how to iceskate," I whined as I clutched onto his arm, refusing to step one foot into the rink.

"Baby," he sighed, irritated. I glared at my boyfriend of two months. "It's going to be fine. I got you."

My lip jutted out in a pout. "I'm going to fall and bruise my ass."

The annoyance on his face disappeared and he laughed heartily, attracting some appreciative glances from the other females. I resisted the urge to stick my tongue out at them and rub it in their face that this fine specimen was mine. But I was still ticked because I knew I would make a fool of myself if I got on that rink.

"Tessa...," Cash whined, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me to him. He stared deep into my eyes and I found myself losing my breath. "Will you please trust me? I promise I won't let you fall," he murmured, cupping my cheek.

The look in his eyes was all it took to convince me. "Okay."

I wobbled as I stepped onto the rink and true to his words, he put his hands on my waist and gripped me tightly as he guided me over the ice. I was basically shaking because I didn't want to fall, but I trusted Cash. He led me around for about ten minutes before he slowly began to let me go. I didn't want him to, but he assured me it was okay.

"C-Cash! I'm doing it!" I cried happily as I slowly skated over the ice. A smile lit my face and I tried to gain just a little bit of speed, but that's when it happened.

I slipped and fell. Right. On. My. Ass.

And guess what Cash did? He skated over gracefully and laughed at me. I glared at him, barely acknowledging the fact that my butt was throbbing a little painfully.

So I did the only thing that I could think to do. I grabbed his leg and made him fall, too.

-

The next two weeks passed by really fast.

Tanner was getting bigger and more curious with each passing day. Pierce and I were still going strong, getting closer and closer until we were pretty much mirrored the relationship we had when we were younger, only more mature. My job as a waitress was doing really good and I was bringing in enough money to sustain Tanner and me along with a little extra. And I was beginning to reconnect with all of my friends from high school who were still living in Springfield.

The only downside to these days was that it seemed like I was seeing less and less of Paige. I missed her so much. Every time I called her to just gush and gossip like we did when we were younger, she'd tell me she was busy, that she had things to do, that now wasn't the time. I didn't know what was wrong, but I hoped she wasn't avoiding me, or anthing like that.

I was cooking dinner one Thursday after my shift ended at the diner when my cell phone began ringing. I glanced over at Tanner in the living room to make sure he was alright as I picked up my phone. He was in his bouncer seat and entranced by the television. I smiled and pressed the 'call' button.

"Hello?" I spoke into the phone, not knowing who was at the other end of the line since I had forgotten to check collar ID.

"Hello, dear," Kathryn's warm voice said to me.

For a moment, I froze because it was the second time she had called me since Cash and I divorced. And for another fleeting moment, I got the impression that maybe there was something wrong with Cash. Maybe he had gotten hurt. But before I could start worrying, I told myself that Kathryn sounded fine - she wasn't crying or anything. So obviously nothing was wrong with Cash.

"Tessa? Are you still there?" she asked after a pregnant pause.

I breathed in shakily and forced a smile that she couldn't see. "I'm here, Kathryn. How are you?" I asked politely. I didn't even know how to speak to her anymore - when I was still with Cash, I had treated her like a second mother, but did I even have that right anymore? The only thing tying us together was Tanner.

"I've been...alright," she said with a sigh. "I miss you and Tanner."

"Oh," I mumbled. "I miss you, too," I told her because it was true. Kathryn's warmth and comfort that matched my own mother's was something I had grown attached to.

"I still haven't talked to Calvin...I just can't find it within me to forgive him," she said after a while.

This relevation came to me as shock. "Kathryn, you shouldn't turn him away because we didn't work out!" I exclaimed weakly.

Kathryn chuckled dryly. "Oh, I'm still upset about you two not working out, my dear, but I can't and would never force him to be with someone he didn't love anymore. And I wouldn't hold it against him, either," she said simply.

"Then why...?" I asked, trailing off.

"You know how I grew up, Tessa. My father had left my mother and me when I was only a few years old and it had left me badly injured emotionally. I raised Calvin to treat others with respect. I understand that he has fallen out of love with you, but to turn his back of his own son..." Kathryn stopped and I heard her sniff. My chest felt hollow at the sadness in her voice. "I can't forgive him for that. Tanner needs a father."

I didn't know whether or not I should tell Kathyn that Pierce was more of a father to Tanner than Cash ever was. Even though I'd repeatedly told him that it was unnecessary that Pierce take over the role Cash had abandoned, he was determined to be the man in Tanner's life. And with each passing day, I could see that Pierce was falling more and more in love with my son.

But at the end, I stopped myself from telling Kathryn of this. I wasn't going to replace Cash. Tanner wouldn't forget the man who had helped create him, the man he was half of. "I can be his mother and father," I said, swallowing. There was suddenly tears in my eyes.

"I'm sorry you have to do this all on your own," she murmured.

"I'll be fine, Kathryn. Thank you for checking up on me," I replied sincerely.

I heard her chuckle a little. "Yes, you're welcome. But that wasn't the only reason I called you," she said.

"Oh?" I asked, puzzled.

Kathryn hesitated for a few seconds before tentatively beginning to speak. "Caleb and I want to see you and Tanner so badly, Tessa," she started. "Will you please come up to visit us?" she asked. Or more likely, she pleaded.

My breath caught in my throat. Going back to New York where it all started? I didn't think I could do it, not when there was a risk I might run into Cash and his new love interest or interests. "Umm...I don't know, Kathryn."

There was a heavy sigh. "I had a feeling you would say no," she murmured dejected.

I didn't like the fact that I had hurt her. Kathryn was so kind, she deserved to get to know her grandson as much as my parents did. "Why don't you come down to Springfield?" I asked her.

I could almost feel her beaming. "That's a wonderful idea! When would be the best time?"" she asked excitedly.

Laughing lightly, I stirred the stir fry noodles with shrimp. "Next week?" I suggested.

"It's perfect! I'll tell Caleb to take some time off of work, so expect us then! I'll call you soon, Tessa, thank you so much!" she said in a rush. "I love you, my dear!" Then she hung up. I was still laughing quietly. It felt good to make someone so happy.

I had been focusing so much on my conversation with Kathryn and cooking dinner that when a muscular arm wrapped around my waist, I jumped startled and knocked a few pieces of vegetables from the pan onto the top of the stove. Spinning around, I came face to face with a smirking Pierce who had Tanner in his free arm. I was surprised that I hadn't heard Tanner's happy gurgling.

"Hey," I greeted, smiling up at him.

Pierce leaned down and pressed a kiss to my lips, resulting in Tanner whining in displeasure. "Hi, baby," he murmured after pulling away. "You look like you're thinking pretty hard about something," he told me.

I chuckled and nodded, turning off the stove and moving the pan from the hot coils so the stir fry could cool down. I turned and leaned into his strong chest and sighed contentedly as his hand stroked my hair. The sight of Tanner resting his head on Pierce's shoulder as he chewed on his fist made me smile.

"Cash's parents are going to come for a visit," I explained. "They want to see Tanner."

The smile on his face vanished instantly. "They're coming here?" he asked, frowning.

I nodded, suddenly wary. "You're okay with that, right?" I asked, nervously.

Pierce nodded slowly. "He's not...coming, right?" he asked quietly.

"No!" I gasped. "Cash...he wouldn't bother. He's moved on and so have I, so even if he did come, I'd make him leave," I said firmly, but I questioned myself on that. Would I really turn him away? No, I probably wouldn't. Not for my sake, but for Tanner's because he needed his father. I knew that one day, Cash would realize that he's been a fool and would come back to claim Tanner and I wasn't cruel enough to stop him. What Cash did was so wrong, but I had to give them a chance to develop a relationship when Cash came to his senses.

"Okay," Pierce sighed, smiling weakly. He kissed me again before juggling Tanner in his arms. Tanner cooed and put his open mouth on Pierce's shoulder, trying to suck on the material of his shirt.

I laughed and ran my hand over Tanner's soft, wispy curls. "He loves you, you know," I told Pierce.

He smiled fondly at the baby boy. "I love him, too," he replied, kissing his head affectionately.

"I can see that."

Pierce squeezed my hand. "You know I love you, right? I think the moment I saw you at the mall was the best night of my life," he breathed, tucking me to his side. "And if your ex ever decides to come back here, expect me to beat the shit out of him," he added firmly.

I really wasn't surprised by Pierce's statement, so I just shrugged even though the thought of Cash being physically injured made me sick. Because in a deep part of my heart, I still had feelings for him and I cared about him deeply. I tried to chalk it up to the fact that he was the father of my son, but I knew it was more than that. I was just unwilling to admit it, even to myself.

"So, dinner is ready, right? Cause I'm starving," he groaned. "The garage has been busy today."

At first, I had assumed that Pierce worked at a garage, but a few days into our quickly blossoming relationship, he told me that he owned one instead. I didn't know whether to be surprised or not. I always knew Pierce had a love for cars, but I didn't think he'd buy his own garage. I was still happy for him.

"Hope you like stir fry," I said, looking at him through thick, lower lashes.

He pecked my nose and went to put Tanner back down in his bouncer seat. I dished out our dinner on two seperate plates and walked to the living room. "Let's eat here," I suggested as I changed the channel, so I could watch Criminal Minds.

"Whatever you want, Tess," Pierce said, sitting down beside me. I cuddled into him, thinking that there couldn't be anything more right than this. But the sense of this just being the calm before the storm wouldn't escae my mind.