Undercover | H.S.

11.

Light hits my face and pain radiates from my head. I sit up rubbing my temples and my surroundings slowly come in to view. I'm startled at first when I realize I'm not in my own room. The events of last night come crashing back to my thoughts. I feel tears spring to my eyes again and I'm not sure if they're caused more by Harry's words or this god awful hangover.

I rub the sleep from my eyes as I stand. When the covers fall away I am suddenly very aware that I am not in my clothes from last night but instead am wearing, what I can only assume, is Harry's plain black T-shirt. He's nowhere to be seen so I follow the smell of coffee that leads me to the kitchen. Harry is looking out a large picture window into the back yard. I stand staring at him, wanting so desperately to speak but unable to coax the words out. Finally, he seems to sense my presence and turns to face me.

He looks tired, his hair is disheveled and I inherently know that he hasn't slept.

When he speaks, its cautiously, like anything he says could break me. He's right.

"Would you like some coffee? I'm not sure how you take yours."

"Two creams and a sugar." I reply flatly.

He doesn't offer anything else and neither do I. Both of us fearing what will come when more is said.

After moments of awkward silence and when I've downed half my cup of coffee I finally build the courage to ask.

"What time did you get back?"

"Around 11. You were asleep. I tried to wake you but you were pretty drunk. I changed you out of your clothes and put you to bed."

"I thought you were only staying an hour?"

"I didn't get to make many decisions last night" he replies and I hear an edge in his tone. I have to remind myself that I've done nothing wrong and he has no reason to be angry with me. I however, have every reason to be angry with him.

"Why did you even invite me there?"

"I wanted you there" He says it so matter of factly that I almost believe him, almost.

"Why? After all we're just friends. You're not interested in anyone right now" I say mocking his response from the night before.

"Fuuuuccckkkk." He says as he runs his hands through his already disheveled hair and scratches the back of his neck. "I knew that's what this was about."

"Of course it is." I say as my eyes begin to water and my voice breaks.

"It was a lie, El. A part of my contract." He says his voice soft. He moves closer to me and brushes the tear that's sliding down my cheek away.

"Your...Contract?" I force out my voice laced with confusion.

"The label decides who I am allowed to date publicly. It's stupid and pisses me the fuck off but we were young and really naive when we signed our contracts. That's not how I really feel, El. Surely, you know that by now!"

"I don't know what to think" I answer honestly.

He looks hurt. When he looks at me again I know this time the pain in his eyes was caused by me. But again I remind myself I've done nothing wrong. I'm protecting myself.

"El, I don't know how else to say this" He moves even closer to me cupping my face in his hands so that we are staring straight at each other "I think I'm falling in love with you"

"How can you say that? We barely know each other."

I want to believe him but none of this makes sense. He is, well, him and I am just me and there is no way that he could be falling in love with me.

"You see me for who I am, you treat me like a person, you're fucking gorgeous, you don't give two shits about what anyone thinks and I want the chance to get to know you better. To give it a real shot. I've never felt like this about anyone. Please, El. Let me show you how happy I can make you."

I subtly pinch myself, like I had the night we met mere days ago. It feels like so much longer. Last week I was a normal 18 year old. A regular girl who's face had never been in a magazine or viral on social media. I'd thought I might one day get a chance to meet him at a meet and greet, perhaps a chance run in. I guess the run in part was right, but I'd never expected it to turn in to this. To have the boy I'd dreamed about for so long, tell me everything I could ever possibly want to hear, and I not know what to say in return.

•
The silence had stretched between us for a long time. So long now that it's beginning to get awkward and I can feel Harry getting antsy beside me. I know I need to say something but I have the tendency to get lost in my own head and it was rendering me useless in this moment.

Harry is sitting on the arm of the couch, at some point we moved from the kitchen to the open living room. His head falls in his hands and he rubs at his eyes.

"El please say something" he mutters.

"I guess I don't know what to say, because I don't know what it is you're offering. We've been on two dates Harry. One was perfect and one was a disaster that ended before it could start. You say you think you're falling in love with me, but I think you're falling in love with the idea of me. I think you've romanticized the idea of being normal because your life has been so crazy the past few years. I think you like the idea of someone like me, not necessarily...me."

"Even if that's what it is now, which it's not, who's to say it won't be more?"

"How could it be? You said yourself your label gets to decide who you date."

"They can only tell me what I can do publicly. They can't stop us from being together."

"But isn't that the same thing Harry? I don't want to be your secret. That isn't fair to me"

"It will never be like that! You're about to go to university. I'll be on tour. I can come see you, you can come see me. We can skype and call and text. Don't we at least owe it to ourselves to try? Don't you feel what I feel?" He's desperate at this point and his voice is doing nothing to help him hide his feelings.

"I do. Harry you make me feel invincible." He moves from the couch to stand and walk forward.

"Then don't we owe it to ourselves to at least see where this goes?" He searches my eyes for my answer. He moves towards me, within seconds his lips crash against mine and all of my defenses melt away. Every problem I had thought of that could occur is vanquished and all I can think about is the way Harry's arms feel around my waist and how his hands feel as they run through my hair and trail down my spine.

"I guess we'll never know if we don't try."