Now letting you go

Let it all out

An open letter for someone who made my whole life.
I thank you for everything you made me through, for every simple things you do that make my heart skip a beat. For every letter I received and every messages and text on my phone that brightened my day. For bringing up the best in me that no one else can do. For every heart aches and every sorry. For every smiles that you put on my face. For every frown that make me feel guilty of what I've made.Especially for the love that you let me felt.

Isn't it a magic? Just like that we became so close from being just some random strangers. So close that I spent my whole day talking to you. When I wake up and before I end my day.If I can fall back in time. I wanna go back to the way we used to be. I wanna go back to the time I used to call you mine. Every moment of it.
For so long I wanted to be yours and I wanted you to be mine. I was dreaming of us together but then she came, I thought that it's just us but then there's the both of you. Where do I place myself? if I was out of the story when there is no you and me and there is you and she. I can never beg you now since there's no us and we will never be us when there is the both of you. And you know from the start that you will still keep choosing her between us.

What should I do? Its difficult. It's too difficult.

Do you remember how it felt like? How it felt like to be with me? Are you even happy with my company? Because I do, I will always do even though my mind might forget but my heart would still remember that my heart would always beat for you.

I can still remember the days that we used to be so closec than any other people. Sometimes it makes me smile and saddened at the same time knowing we can't go back the times that we're both happy together. But I'm happy had those times with you even the in worst case scenario would brighten my days knowing we actually had those things that I really have the courage to fight for you.

When you say stay I did, when you say you love me I believe. When you say it's over, I try to do something to make it better. Would it even be worth it staying now? Where I can only hold is our memories.

Most often time specially at night I would think what if ever I would lose you. What does it feels like to lose you? I was afraid of the answer. Whenever we fight that I would thought either one of us would let go. That I was so afraid that my whole world might shatter. And I was afraid that I would actually push people out because you're not around. I was afraid to be left alone forever. Because from the beginning it's you I want.

Do you know that when I could hardly fall to sleep I was always thinking of you? What are you doing or are you even having a great sleep? To the point that I always wanted to give you a message and lost it. Thinking that you would not even reply to it. It was almost near 4:00 am in the morning and I'm still wide awake wondering who's still up this early and then I remembered that I should not be. And my mind was tired.

But......

From the start I never felt tired from pleasing you. From the start I would never get tired to say sorry. But this time I think we're just having hard time to think of us so I think it's better for me to set you free . No more heartaches, no more hurt feelings, no more sorry, no more broken promises. No more tears, no more silly things to fight for. For the last time I wanna let you know that I love you so much for me to let go.