"FINE"

Chapter 1~ I'm drowning and nobody is noticing

*WARNING*

I am in no way saying you should harm yourself and any others. This is a story many I know can relate to. If you are feeling these emotions or have thoughts of suicide please get help or call the suicide hotline.

Ali's POV

I woke up to my eyes swollen and my wrist stinging. Dragging my (basically lifeless) body out of bed, I wake up Malissa.

"Come on M, it's time to get ready for school" I calmly say earning a slap to the face by her. 

"I'll get up when I want to" she replies with a nasty attitude. 

"NO! I tried being nice, you're going to get up now!" I yell raising my voice, feeling like her mother even though I was her younger sister. 

Washing my face, I apply as much make-up without looking plastic. Covering up my dark sleepy circles, I apply a bit of foundation on my arm (wrist) as well. Brushing my teeth, I put on my uniform and a jacket. I hurry into the kitchen and scarf down my food not bothering to taste it wishing my mother wouldn't make me eat.

I grab my bags, and head into the car. 

Once at school, I step through the gates and put a smile on my face. I make my way to first period and sigh once I sit down.

"Class, we will be taking the Final in a week or so. This being, I want you to be studying and have enough time. Here is the study guide. Please do not study last minute because this is 1/3 of your grade! You don't want to fail!" Mrs.Garris called into the chatty class.

Sitting their quietly, Amy, my best friend whispered "You okay? You seem very quiet. Is it the depression?" 

"No im Fine, really, just tired" I respond not wanting her to worry and only wanting her to worry about fixing her depression. 

You see, people knew about her and her depression. Nobody but her, knew about me. Not even my parents. I smile, and glance back at her. Her and Blake had been glancing at each other the whole class period. You know, they've already said the L word. I'm sure you don't know but I've been in love with Blake for 3 years. Than Amy came along and scooped him up before I said anything. Learn from my mistake, do not wait! 

Focusing my thoughts back to the teacher, I couldn't help but wonder why. Why I had to be here. Nobody wanted me here anyways. Maybe I should just leave. As the bell rings, I spring out of my chair and head to my next period, English. This was my favorite clas because we usually read. When I'm reading I get be to myself and not talk. I appear very enthusiastic but everybody puts up a front, right?

A few hours pass by 

As I'm in the Locker room, I go into a stall to change into my bathing suit for P.E. Once in the one-suit I get in line. 

"1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6" Mrs.Gi calls out as she goes down the line. 

"Oh great, I'm first." I mutter to myself. 

In line, I dive in. The cold water numbing me. I smile, I loved water. It number everything and helped succumb the pain. I liked it because I could scream underwater and nobody would hear me. Nobody could hurt me or judge me.

Later that day...

I get home, and put in my earbuds.

"I'm sorry that I let you down" I let the words sink in. Whoever wrote this song knew the pain I was going through and knew how terribly sorry I was that I existed. I'm not even sure why my parents adopted me as a baby, I was given up for a reason. I was a mistake. 

Tears slide down my cheeks, i didn't bother to wipe them off my chin. Letting them fall I just stare at the wall. The feeling was back, pain like nothing before just like a hammer beating my heart over and over again. Than once it's finally crushed into a million peices somebody scoops the peices up and puts them in a blender. It never ended. 

I hear footsteps so I quickly dry my face and turn around.

"Hey sweetie, how was your day, did you get that B+ up yet?" My mom calls out from the other room. 

"My day was fine, and no I'm working on it" I reply with the edge just wanting to come out and scream st my mother. Holding back, I reply. "How was your day?" 

"Good, u sure your good, you sound sick" she replies with little worry in her voice.

"I'm fine really, don't worry" I reply re-asuringly. I didn't want my mom to worry she already had 2 other daughters that were more important and much harder to deal with.

Locking the bathroom door, I take my pocket knife. 

1 cut, another cut, a little pain oozes from my heart. 3, 4, just making more room for more paint to come.

Cleaning myself up I get into bed. Tears cascade down my face. Silently, I choke back all the noise and just let the quiet weeping continue until I fall asleep.