blood

chapter one

/lowercase intended/

dear journal,

miss myers told me to write in a journal, to express my thoughts and feelings. she also said it would record my process in ward d. im at the rosebowl mental asylum; why?

im not sure, sometimes i forget a lot of things. miss myers says that i have depression, amnesia, suicidal tendencies, and im homicidal.

i don't believe a thing.

today is my first day here, and its already so boring. mom dropped me off here, staring blankly at me, and she mumbled a lame "bye". i wish she would've cried, maybe even say she would miss me. but all i got was her usual blank stare, her vacant eyes, and her monotone voice.

sometimes i think she doesn't care about me, but grandma had always said that she's just having a little trouble "up there".

is she mental too? if so, she should be getting help like i am. but i wonder why or how i got here.

bye bye journal.

-

"audrey tanner." the lady who had the wide hips and the pouty lips called. she was writing in her usual notebook, checking off things like the behavior of the patients, or taking notes of how they react about certain things.

she called my name because its my turn to go to my therapist, dr. horasty. ive been here for three days, and he seems so uptight and grouchy, and rude.

i don't like him at all.

i walked down the long corridor, leaving the group room full of other patients. i looked back at them, and their vacant, bored eyes followed my movements, as if im the only thing exciting that's happened all day.

my laceless sneakers made a thumping noise, for it didn't go along with my feet. the stupid nurse lady took my laces "for safety reasons". stupid, stupid, stupid.

i haven't showered, eaten, or slept in the span of the time ive been here. im pretty sure my eyes looked bruised, my hair looked like a bird's nest, and my clothes were wrinkley and smelly.

but no one said a word to me about my appearance or smell, so i didn't care about it.

i reached the end of the corridor, turning the doorknob of the door on the right. the dim light reached my face, and i slowly entered, and softly closed the door.

"welcome, audrey. please, sit." he said, his attention averted to his papers about me.

he was a short man; he had round, quite nerdy glasses. im sure his ethnicity is indian, maybe european. he had short, black hair, and almond shaped, brown eyes. he was wearing a navy blue blouse, with a brown polka dotted tie. he looked smart, intimidating, and non trustworthy.

i can't trust him; i can't trust anyone here.

"audrey tanner? please, sit." he repeated. i snapped out of my thoughts of inspecting him, and focused my gaze on the leather brown chair in front of him. i sat down, cringing at the ear stinging, rubbing noise leather made.

"how was your three days here? hm? well spent?" he asked, an unknown accent floated in his voice.

i shrugged, not caring. i was bored here, i felt lonely. my late nights were spent crying in the bathroom connected with my room. my roommate didn't care about my pathetic sobs; she just was waiting to leave.

he sighed, knowing im a stubborn patient.

"did you take your pills?" he asked, writing something down on a notepad.

i nodded, "yes."

of course, i lied. i hated taking those stupid pills that won't help for shit. i still feel the same as i did four years ago; worthless, unhappy, homicidal, and suicidal.

that's all i'll ever be.

-

this is just a little filler about audrey, michael is coming in soon. and every chapter will be audrey's journal entry in the beggining ok bye