Trade || Kasperi Kapanen

10

I'd never said Tyler was my boyfriend, we'd never became official or called each other boyfriend or girlfriend. But I guess we were together, I guess we were dating because my heart had never hurt as much as it had in this moment. I was heartbroken and it wasn't hard to see, sitting here with tears in my eyes as Auston hugged me. I felt like a child, I most definitely wasn't being professional and I hated that, because I knew I was better than this, but at the same time I was only human. I didn't have a mom to cry to about this, I didn't have a dad who would tell me it was okay, I brought myself up from a young age, so I just had myself and the guys that surrounded me. I felt bad for them having to be the ones to deal with my heartbreak, but I was thankful when they didn't seem to care.

We had training in and hour and I was trying to get the last of my tears out so I didn't have to be a bummer at training. Auston had come round earlier, I was sitting on the sofa, wearing Tyler's jumper and crying quietly. I didn't know how else to cope with the pain of knowing that one of the best things I had in life was over. Jamie had called to check up on me and said that Tyler wasn't doing much better, which made my heart hurt 10x more.

"I've gotta pull myself together. I'm just being stupid." I said pulling away from Auston, wiping my face with my sleeve and standing up. Making my way into the kitchen.

"Daisy, it's okay to be upset. You and Tyler are really close and you both genuinely love each other, you can be upset, thats perfectly valid." Auston said and I shook my head.

"Not right now it's not, I'm not going to be selfish and have a bad day just because I've got my own shit going on. The guys don't deserve that. I'm just gonna pull my shit together, get ready for training and then we can go." I said, giving myself a shake and making my way up to my rooms. I packed my for training, trying to keep my mind off of everything. So when I pulled of Tyler's jumper, I stuffed it under my pillow and pretended it didn't exist for the rest of the day. When we got to the changing rooms, I acted as if everything was alright, as if I was just normal again and everyone seemed to go along with it except for Auston and Mitch who knew what was going on.

The whole situation with Kappy had been the least of my worries. Ever since Chicago and Travis talking to him, he hadn't really bothered with me. I mean we'd shared eye contact a few times but I always looked away quickly, still slightly intimidated by him. But I guess he still had the same emotions as when I first joined the team, because as we all got changed in the changing rooms. Him and Travis were having a heated argument in the hall, but we could all hear it from inside.

"Kap, I don't understand why you hate her so much! Do you not think she's proved herself to us? To the world? You genuinely have nothing to say because your logic is flawed!" Travis exclaimed and I closed my eyes as everyone looked at me. I slowly made my way out into the hall, Travis and Kappy looking at me.

"Can I talk to him?" I asked Travis and r just looked between us both but nodded and made his way inside. "Okay Kap, listen, I've not got the energy to fight with you, I've not got the energy to explain how I deserve to be here as much as you do or any of those guys do. I've already spent a year of my life fighting for that belief." I said quietly and Kappy just looked at me. "If me being here is so much of a problem to you, why don't you complain to Dubas, Babs or anyone who could actually do something." I said and finally looked up at him.

"Maybe I will." He said simply and tears welled in my eyes. All of the emotions I had managed to hide from this morning suddenly creeping back up on me, I really was tired, tired of the same shit all the time and Kappy was about to feel that too.

"Maybe you should because you know what, I'm sick of it. I'm sick of fighting, sick of having to make dickheads like you see what I can do, only for you to turn around and still believe I shouldn't be here. Sick of constantly fighting with the same people, the same crowds, the same thoughts in my mind that constantly make me feel like I shouldn't be here, when I know damn well I should be." I said, tears fully running down my face. I really had lost. "My first game Kap, I had eggs thrown at me when I left the arena. Jamie and Tyler had to call security on a guy for throwing eggs at me and you want to know what his reason was? Because I was a girl. You've gotta grow the fuck up and put one some big boy pants and realise that not everything goes right for you." I cried and he just watched me shocked. But before he could get a word in, I leaned forward, to tired and worn out to even keep myself up and I cried into his chest. It took him a second but he wrapped his arms around me loosely, rubbing my back as I sobbed. I didn't even realise, to caught up in my own thoughts and mind set that I didn't know what was going on. All I know was that I wanted the pain to go away.