Late night thoughts

why do I still miss you?

Heartache is missing the parts of someone that you didn't even like 

you start to miss the way they yelledyou even miss the stupid fights

I find myself looking for you in everyone I meet 

and every time I think about calling you I back out 

I get cold feet 

I keep trying to tell myself that It wasn't love and It wasn't real

keep trying to justify how bad you made me feel

but It was love for what I knew love to be at the time

you said our love was like a mountain 

filled with bumps and occasional avalanches 

but It was always worth the climb 

I can feel okay for days then suddenly remember 

the feeling of your hand intertwined with mine

how  you were the only thing that made me feel like everything would be fine

I gave you everythinglike you had a gun to me

handed you my heart & threw away the key

It's like you're a language I am no longer fluent in 

but still remember how to read

still part of the movie 

but no longer the lead 

how could you promise me forever then walk away? 

after all the time you spent convincing me you'd stay

I always liked poetry but loving you turned me into a writer 

and I always looked the other way when you pulled out your lighter

you said that the drugs helped with the demons inside your head

blamed It on the drugs when you had another girl inside your bed 

even though I had just a little doubt in my mind

I was giving you the benefit of the doubt every time

four years together, you were my partner in crime 

how could I still feel this way after everything you put me through?

maybe one day I'll mean it when I say I'm better off without you