The Red Book

I Blame Them For Me Blaming Myself

Striving for excellence feels wonderful because you're trying your very best. Perfectionism feels terrible because your work is somehow never quite good enough.

Perfection is a lie. It's not achievable. It's like trying to count to the last number, but there's always more. You can try, and when you give up, you'll feel bad because you know you could do better. Nothing is perfect, yet we compare things to that idea all the time. Nothing is perfect, and yet we have perfectionist. A personality trait that triggers depression and anxiety. Makes sense since it makes you feel insignificant. Infinity can do that. Wanting to always do better, blaming themselves that they come up short.
Does that sound familiar?
Anyone who has ever gone to school will most likely understand. Given work, one after the other with no breaks in between. Procrastinating the work because you want a break or feel like you won't do that good.
Perfectionism is what happens to someone when they are forced to behave like a machine, for years.
I have a feeling that this has become more of a problem during the age of technology.
Weird right? Why would people be treated like machines when we already have a bunch?
I think it's because of the people who are afraid of change. The old people that are out of touch with the world. The people that run the education system.
And why them? Well because we have advanced technology now. And because of our advancement, so has our expectations. Although they don't want things to change completely. They like they're old way of life, when people were still doing everything. So the expectations went to the same level as machines.
A ridiculous idea being that machines are designed to be better than people.

What does this have to do with anything?
Well I myself am a perfectionist. I hold myself up to unreal standards. And I blame the people that are supposed to educate. I blame the people that say to do your best, only to get disappointed with your best.
Because of them, I've spent forever hating myself. Thinking about how much I screwed up after I gave it my all. Doing everything in my power and then some, just to help. I blame them for me blaming myself.
I'm not perfect. No one is. I don't hold anyone to those standards. Heck, I don't hold anyone to any standards.
You shouldn't expect anything from people. You'll just be disappointed. But maybe you won't. You never know. So that's why I don't expect anything from people. Because if they fail, I'm not disappointed. And if they succeed, I'll be amazed.
That being said, people will find ways to disappoint. It's just going to happen. You can push everyone away because of it, but that will only give you a new problem.
This book is not a self help book. If you don't like it or relate, that's okay. This book has no standards to its purpose. It's based off me, and I'm far from perfect. A lot of it's about imperfections and me trying to be perfect. At this point I can't help it.
So for this Part II, just know that you get what you get.