MONTY

11

Today has been a good day for me. I met me some new friends down the street when I was making my videos😂they was funny ash tho. They were trying to get me to link up with them next weekend, I might depending on if I'm busy or not. Most likely I will though , I been kinda bored. I recently found out that James is a good friend to me. He actually give me a lot of relationship advice. I couldn't believe someone else was teaching me things about a relationship but he is part of the reason why I stopped being clingy, he told me niggas don't really like it too much . I was a little mad at first because l didn't know how to deal with the shit at all. Like I never had to deal with a nigga who didn't wanna talk to me frfr ,but he explained his reason why so it made much more sense to me.

I mostly been trying to come up with something for this talent show u been working all summer. I also have been working out and trying to get my body toned. Everything has been well with me emotionally I'm doing a lot better. Every since I learned to not be clingy and stay more to myself  it's been working. I learned to have a better attitude with people and that allowed me to get more friends, which is good for me. My dance life has been good too. The last couple of days I have met so many dancers that's trying to link up with me. I'm really proud of myself. I also got my first promo . Which is great. Everything is going great.

As for me and Monty, I don't even know and I honestly don't even care where it goes anymore. He could break up with me tomorrow and I would wish him well on his life and move on with mine. He wanted space and that's what he gonna get from me, not a damn thing. I don't even have shit to say to him tbh. I needed him tonight and of course his ass is no where to be found but he always want me to tell him shit. How the hell can you tell someone shit when they never there? I don't know and I don't care either. But that's beside the point, every since my clingy ways went away for him, I have had a nonchalant attitude to everything dealing with him. It doesn't bother him and it for sure doesn't bother me. I had to tell myself to stop caring because god let it happen for a reason. Shit, it must be a sign😂 Cause I think about myself and I think how Monty is on my mind 24/7 , because I love and care for him so I'm always looking at my phone to see if he text me or called me. So when I text him or call him and he goes hours without responding it hurts like damn really. Yeah, I know what you're thinking, that's harsh asf.  Well, when you deal with the same shit over and over thinking it's gonna be a change , you honestly just stop giving af and that's where I'm at right now. If I don't care , I don't get hurt.

I talked to Deonna and Alisha about it they just tell me to break up with him. Of course them hoes don't understand shit. My stages is you fuck up once I'll give you chance after chance after chance then if you keep fucking up, I'll just take a break from you and after the break I get into that stage we're I'm nonchalant about shit. My mind goes into fuck it. Then , after that I'll just be done. That's how it always go. I mean I've only had two boyfriends in my whole life and that was my ex and Monty. So maybe I'm inexperienced but I know what I want to feel . Or maybe I'm dumb and not looking at the signs, but I don't care I'm a rider . I don't really give up easy until I just see you don't give af.

Especially during this time of year, I just need somebody to vent to. This is usually the toughest time of year for me because so many emotions come to me at once. I have to deal with my auntie and uncle death. Not only that I'm constantly reminded of my uncle that use to touch on me as a kid, I mean everything is hard for me. Just to go out and make these videos are tuff but I try to keep that positive attitude.

Today was also my auntie that died birthday. I had been doing good all day until tonight I had a lil moment but I had my partna to help me and  I was a little better after that. I learned that they wouldn't want to see me sad and shit, so I would need to be happier.

Like is going great I couldn't complain about anything going in it. I learned not to complain about shit because everything happens for a reason. I'm just waiting on this talent show. I'm so proud of myself. I just want blessings to come my way.