bulletproof

15

A/N *I tried to find a messier photo of a bedroom but this was the best I could find. Sorry :( *

Nat paused before knocking on Y/N's door, rapping her knuckles on the wood, hard. After a few minutes, the door swung open and she barged in, pushing past Y/N and standing in the middle of the room, arms crossed, facing Y/N with a scowl painted across her features.

"Good morning?" Y/N said, weakly, wrapping her arms around her body in a move of self-comfort. 

Nat eyed the room, wrinkling her nose at the clothes strewn across the floor and a musty smell, something that rooms get when a window hasn't been opened in ages. She then looked at Y/N, backing away to the wall as the new hermit avenger saw the fierce look on the redhead's face. An expression she had only seen in battle. Y/N grimaced as she realised what Nat was doing. 

"This is disgusting," Nat commented, kicking a pile of sweatpants with the toe of her badass leather boots, "I didn't realise I was best friends with a pig..."

"Hey!" Y/N frowned, "I'm dealing with stuff, okay?"

Nat moved towards her and cupped her face, staring deep in her best friend's eyes, "Dealing with what, exactly? Sleep?" Her hands trailed to clasp her firmly by the shoulders, "It's time to put on your big girl pants and take charge of your responsibilities."

Y/N tried to avoid her hard gaze but it was impossible, so she stared, hard, back, "I'm dealing with stuff, Nat. I'm getting..." She let out a huff of frustration, "I'm getting nightmares. From the Red Room and from when I was...you know...dying." An immense weight felt like it had been lifted off her chest as she admitted what was troubling her for the past weeks.

The ex-Assassin sighed and removed her hands off Y/N's shoulders, going to sit on the unmade bed by the wall. She clasped her hands and brought them to her lips, thinking.

Y/N looked at her and then cautiously went to sit beside her, "I don't know why they're coming back...it's just...they started happening again, " She spoke softly, tucking her hands between her thighs and hunching her shoulders up.

"Have you considered talking to a professional about this? I mean, it's not...you haven't had nightmares of there for years."

She shrugged, "I don't feel comfortable spilling all my secrets to a stranger."

Nat stared at her, "Have you at least told someone about this? Not just me?"

Y/N chewed her lip for a moment, blurting out, "Tony. But not about the Red Room. Only about the dying part, and how I can't look at Steve any more because it's my fault he's all sad now and..." She trailed off, groaning as she faceplanted into the palms of her hands, "I'm an idiot, aren't I?"

Her best friend wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her into a half-hug, "Yeah, sort of." She laughed, lightly, "By the way, I never got to thank you for the 'saving my life' bit."

Y/N smiled, "No problem, I was just repaying a debt I owed, " She poked Nat's side, eliciting a snort from her.

She sat up, getting out of the weird hug and turned to fully face her, "I contacted my mother the other day..." Her light-hearted feeling seeping into regret and guilt as the words crept out of her.

Nat shot her a look, almost motherly in itself, "And?"

"I hung up after I said 'hello'," Y/N mumbled through a hand, which she had slapped over her mouth after her admittance. That made Nat give her her signature side smile and ruffle of the hair.

"Good, she's a bitch," Nat commented, humour lacing her tone of voice, standing up and then tugging Y/N up on her feet too, "Now, clean up your room, because even the air is too bad to breathe in. And then clean yourself up, and then meet me in the kitchen, got it? I'm gonna be there all day because Rogers is hogging the gym, again."

Y/N groaned as bossy Nat came to the surface and collapsed back on her bed. Nat laughed at her antics and opened the bedroom door, "You have an hour, tops." And then she exited, closing the door behind her and shrouding Y/N in the pitiful emptiness of her gross room.

Looking around with fresher eyes (pretending to be Nat) she starting to see how this could be mistaken as a pig's pen and set to work with dumping all her clothes in the dirty laundry basket, none stop tidying and rearranging until the bedroom could be compared to a hotel room. Satisfied with her work, she clapped her hands and then went to her wardrobe, swinging the door wide open to reveal...nothing. She'd worn every single outfit she owned and hadn't washed the clothes afterwards. 

In the corner, 'the corner of disgrace', of the wardrobe lay, crumpled up, a dress she'd bought when she'd received her first paycheck as an Avenger. She'd splurged on so many clothes that when she was still 'high' from outfit buying, she stumbled upon a dress, pretty to look at and even prettier on her. And something she'd never wear. Ever.

With a sigh, she grabbed it and smoothed it over, trying to remove the crinkles. The dress was a shocking bright red, and had a tantalising v-neck, confirming to the world that yes...she had boobs. 

She went to a smaller cabinet, stored on the other side of the room where she kept all her jumpers in and pulled out a large hoodie. Luckily the dress wasn't ridiculously short and she walked out her now clean (ish) bedroom, barefoot, and a confident feeling mixing in with insecurity. A brilliant cocktail of emotions.

Taking a deep breath, she entered the kitchen for what felt like the first time in weeks and weeks. Before her, sat all her teammates, barring Steve, who was occupying himself with working out.

"Hey," She said, almost breathless as she regarded them, feeling a little out-of-body as she faced them. 

Tony lifted a mug of coffee in acknowledgement of her presence, the only one not gaping at her finally leaving her room. Clint cleared his throat and then joked, "She lives!", receiving a harsh kick in the shins from the part of Bruce.

"Good to see you again," The gentle doctor smiled at her, comfortingly, "How you been feeling?"

Y/N replied, the same expression on her face, "I've been better, but Nat's convinced–" She was cut off by her best friend; "Forced"

She rolled her eyes at Nat, "Yeah, yeah, okay, She forced me to get off my butt and–"

"–Get a grip," Nat interrupted again, sounding sweet and friendly but with a hint of 'don't try to contradict me'.

Y/N huffed, "Yeah, that." She plonked down on a stool sitting between Bruce and Tony and splaying her hands out on the counter, "Are there any leftovers? I'm starving."

Tony, while sipping on his coffee, went to the fridge and took out a plate of pizza, stating, "We've been ordering take-out for two weeks." And then placed the plate in front of Y/N, grimacing as Y/N tucked into the cold pizza, "Really? Not even going to heat it up?"

"I'm starving," Y/N repeated, simply, her mouth full of food.

As she finished, she grabbed a paper napkin and wiped her mouth clean, "Anyways, how's everything been so far? Where's Sam?"

Clint grinned at that, "Sam's been moved back down to the first stage of training, courtesy of Steve's bad mood. We don't talk about that around him, by the way, he gets pissy about it, non-stop ranting and all that."

Y/N gave him a look of sympathy, "Poor guy, how about you guys? How've you been?"

A tense voice from behind her replied first, making her freeze in her position and Nat to widen her eyes in surprise. Tony whispered an 'oh shit' as he spotted him.

"Yeah, not too great, actually."

Steve.