bliss 🖤 imagines

4. the comfort in being sad 🖤 krist novoselic

(tw: death, suicide, grief.)

When you heard the news, it felt like the world had reached inside your chest, yanked out your heart, and stomped all over it. You can only imagine how it feels for him.

When Kurt left the Earth, a part of Krist went with him. You swear you saw it happen; as soon as those words that none of you ever, ever wanted to hear fell on his ears, all the light seemed to drain from his eyes. That spark of light behind the shy grin, the riotous sense of humor that he never wore on the surface like Kurt and Dave did, -- all of that went away, turned the Krist that you fell in love with into a memory. You were scared that he'd never be the same again.

As unfair as it was, you hated Kurt for doing this to everyone. First and foremost, to his own family, tied to him by blood: his mother, his father, his daughter. Then, you loathed him for what he did to the people around him, the ones who might not have been his biological kin, but always went the extra mile, just for him: his bandmates, his friends, his fans. He had gone and left all these people in the dust, practically choking on his ashes as they tried their best not to drown in his absence.

Beneath all that anger, though, there was one big elephant in the room, a sentiment you, Krist, Dave, Courtney, and however other many people all shared, regardless of whether or not any of you actually felt like talking to one another. More than anything, you all missed him.

This wasn't what anyone would have ever wanted, you found yourself thinking to yourself. How you wished you would have known. How you wish you could have stopped him.

A whole week had passed, and still, everything seemed so quiet, the wounds all too fresh. You were beginning to wonder if anything would feel right ever again, if he had really been such an unforgettable person that he could manage to uproot everything you had thought you know.

You sat next to the window, feeling the quiet suffocate you as you watched the rain come down, the heavens even seeming to grieve.

Oh, Kurt, why'd you do it?

By default, you found your eyes wandering back towards your bedroom door, just to see. Your heart sunk upon realizing that it was still closed. Krist was still holed up in there, not even seeming to be able to talk to yet.

And you were his soulmate. The one he was supposed to be able to tell anything.

This thought in mind, you found yourself getting up from your seat, padding across the hallway. You couldn't put it all on him, of course, -- it was a relationship. The effort was supposed to be made both ways.

Gently, you pushed the door open, a long, eerie creak announcing your arrival. Though your heart still broke at the sight of him, you were relieved to see that Krist wasn't still curled up in the fetal position beneath the covers, asleep. Though he looked positively exhausted perched at the edge of the bed, -- not to mention lost, -- it was a definite improvement to how it had been for the past few days before, when he'd slept well into the afternoon.

Careful not to disturb him, you took a seat next to him. You forced a soft smile onto your face, reaching for his hand. "Hi."

Krist startled slightly, looking your way with bloodshot eyes, ringed with dark shadows. "Hey."

Your fake grin soon turned into a deep frown as you idly slid your fingers through his, desperately wondering what the right thing to say would be.

You decided to start small, with the things that barely mattered at all. Nothing soul-searching. In fact, the question was practically rhetorical. "Do you want something to eat?"