Warning: The following message is confidential. If you are not who this was made for, please return this letter to the address specified on the envelope. If you do proceed, you are subject to sudden death, being baked, heart attacks, and loss of chocolate privileges. You have been warned.
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Dear Kira,
I'm very excited to inform you that the factory you noticed me previously sketching is under way being built. Currently I've been able to create a small army of cookie monsters (I only know baking-related magic really) to help build. Surprisingly, manipulating them with promises of cookies is very helpful to get them to work. However, they don't have all of their lines memorized. (Did I mention it's going to be a whole musical? It is!) The entirety of the factory should include at least thirty-one thousand one hundred and fifteen traps. The goal is to have at least five working traps: The "chocolate" fountain, anti-gravity chamber, Tunnel of Imagination, That Huge Room of Furnaces and Cauldrons, and of course the Invisible Maze.
I've gotten slightly sidetracked from the SCP dimension, and I apologize for that. However, I doubt I will stop visiting that dimension anytime soon. As foolish as it may seem, I've found a very kind MTF (Mobile Task Force, I think) worker. Their name is Ice. This isn't important to the factory, but I still wanted to tell you about it. He's a pretty cool guy, especially considering that he's awful at keeping me contained. I've made about 34 rugs while he isn't looking. Recently we got into a slap fight with severed arms. This got a lot of blood on me, but it was really funny.
I'm still not sure what's underneath his mask, as he hasn't said his actual name. He says it's all "classified information" or something stupid like that. He's very fond of fruit roll ups. It's easy to bribe him with them. I accidentally gave him a pet because I was showing him a caterpillar I turned into sentient chocolate and he ended up naming it "Ice Jr." so I let him have that. I call him snowman sometimes. Yesterday I transported him to Undertale to see what would happen, it was funny. Horror made sure he didn't die, which was slightly disappointing. Ice is super cool, but death is ALSO super cool. As I said, none of this is important, but I feel like you'd want to know. You seem lonely a lot of the time, with all due respect.
Anyway, I'm aware you don't really like presents, but I'll feel bad if I don't get you something for pride month. Would a rainbow cane be appropriate, or does your cane have special powers specifically? If so, I can paint it rainbow for the occasion. Maybe a rainbow top hat? I'm pretty sure you don't like candy, which I personally disagree with, but if there's any dumb pastry you'd like I'd be more than happy to make you some!
Back on the subject of the candy factory, there is a bit of bad news. I was working on creating the factory in an excluded area of the trash file and Eric (Prem's friend and enemy but also lover?) happened to stumble across it. He luckily said he wouldn't tell anyone about it. I said I would kill him last. I'm almost certainly going to make sure he can't tell anyone else with some sort of coding. However, I'm not skilled in programming. If you could set some sort of curse on Eric so that he can't talk about the factory, it'd be much appreciated. If possible, make it so that he can't charade it out either, as I also have had a small curse set on me so I can't speak about Them. (As I said, I can't explain anything about Them more than just...Them.) I'm not sure how complicated this programming or magic is, so if you aren't able to do it I could try my best to put some witchcraft in the cake Eric recently made so if he eats it he won't be able to speak about the factory, at least temporarily. I do know a few memory loss curses, luckily.
If we could speak in the future about who, as the antagonist, I am against, and what my goal is, that would be great. I'm sure, after all, that eventually the good guys will win. However I'm not sure, perhaps the bad guys will finally be the victors in this story, as unlikely as it is. Sorry for the pessimism, by the way.
I am aware, of course, that as an antagonist, I'm likely going to kill some of the good guys. I would like to establish that, sadly, I have grown slightly attached to a few of them. And by slightly I mean quite a bit. Prem is annoying, yes, but I know that the others have a great attachment to him. Eric is...well, he's pretty strong-willed, I gotta say. He keeps a good disguise of kindness! I respect his way of life. The Forgottens are sort of my family, so I mean...I don't want to hurt them. Maybe Tri or Lovey, yes, but the rest aren't THAT bad. Especially Maddy, however I don't feel that you'd be in the mood for a romance story.
But as I said, the factory is almost halfway done by now. The cookie monsters are doing the building, and I'm doing all of the decorative aspects. As I was writing this, I discovered a disheveled Phantom Chica from FNAF World. All I could make out from their speech was something to do with Eric and a very cheerful looking gun. Also, Chica has shown to be a great bodyguard. The animatronic can be paid in rotting pizza or rotting flesh, both which I can give. I'm planning on moving the entirety of the factory to a different dimension for more safety. I'm sure I could eventually find an abandoned AU by myself, but until then if I could continue building on the outskirts of your Nowhere Dimension I'd be very happy. Of course, it is alright if you'd prefer to stay alone. I don't doubt that some of the cookie monsters could wander off and end up somewhere near your house. (If this happens you're free to terminate them.) But I'm getting ahead of myself; I don't mean to pressure you into allowing me into your space.
Sadly I will have to cut this letter short here. However, I will be able to send more letters or perhaps extend this letter. I only vaguely know how to do that magic, so if it seems that I had a stroke in my next letter it's because I'm very bad at this sort of witchcraft.
Kind (and sweet) regards,
"Pinkie"
