Lately it seems that whenever I fall asleep, my mind shifts into another universe. My consciousness escapes into a portal and I am transformed into a different version of myself. I go back in time to a point when you were there next to me. In my sleep, I hold onto your hands and your hands hold onto mine. In my dreams, I see you, I feel your skin against mine. Then I wake up, and you are gone.
I'm always searching for your figure to appear somewhere. On the bus home from work, at the convenient store, even though I know you wouldn't be at such a place. The words I couldn't say to your when you were here, I'll say them now. But you're not longer here are you? There is only a shadow on the other side of the bed.
You were always there for me. In the times I didn't think I needed anyone, the moments when I couldn't go on. I was your princess, now I'm your stranger. When my hands get cold now, they stay cold. If only you looked my way, I could be your old addiction. But everybody talks, and then they talk some more. Because you loved me you've also left a hole in my heart. I would walk ten thousand miles to get you back, but would you come?
I'm always searching for your figure to appear. In the streets late at night, in the coffee shop at noon, even though I know you wouldn't be at such a place. The "I love you" I couldn't say, I'll say them now. But you've moved on now haven't you? The smell of you in the bedroom has vanished into the air.
Accepting that you're gone now leaves holes in my brain. I didn't think it would ever be over, but you've taught me through your silence that's you're no longer someone I know. Now you're just someone I used to think I knew, a man who I thought was someone would end up being something else. The pictures of us, I will not take them down. They are a memory, and it's only now that I realize they will stay that way.
I keep searching for your figure to appear. In the restaurant on 5th street, at the intersection to your house, even though I swore I saw you there already. The feelings I never got to say, will remain unspoken. I suppose you will never know them, but you wouldn't care anymore now would you? Living without you is becoming easier.
