22- Barley Have Two

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I love him, I love him not.
I love him, I love him not.

Hayden, 18 years, 8 months, & 30 days

I've been sitting in my tour bus for the past two days. If I wasn't in sound check or preforming, I was sitting in my tour bus... avoiding Zach.

Zach told me he was in love with me. He said he loved me, really loved me, like, as-more-than-friends loved me. But a friend was all I could see him as.

We made a pact eleven years ago. We agreed that when we were eighteen, he'd tell me that he loved me in more than a friendly way, which I guess already happened. But we both know it indicates that we'd be dating. And after we stopped talking for three years, I kind of figured that we'd never talk again. Yet, here we are, and Zach fell in love with me.

I don't even know how to talk to him anymore. It's like I'm scared around him. I can't look at him, I can't talk to him, all because he said he didn't see me as that friendly fifteen year old girl anymore. So, in this tour bus I shall sit. And hide. From Zach.

"Knock knock," a curly headed dude said as he stepped into the vehicle. For a moment I thought it was Zach. Thank goodness it wasn't.

"What are you doing out here?" Jack asked and sat down in the seats next to me.

"I'd rather be out here," I spoke softly.

"Why? All the fun is inside," he flashed a friendly smile.

"I'm having plenty of fun right here," I sighed sarcastically.

"Are you okay? I've barely seen you in the past few days."

"I'm fine," I fake smiled. "Just considering life's options."

"What are those options?" Jack smirked.

"Dating Zach," I said bluntly.

Jack's eyes went wide. "Woah, what?"

"Two days ago— after my ex fought Zach in Limelight— Zach told me he was in love with me."

"I mean, it's not hard to believe," he smirked.

"Jack, I'm sorry but I just want to be friends."

"Right, I'm sorry. A friend is what you need, so a friend is what I'll be."

"I wish Zach would understand that," I murmured.

"You don't like Zach back?"

"Of course I like Zach. He's my best friend. And I never expected him to fall in love with me, at least not now."

"Tell him that. If you really don't want him to see you as something more than a friend, tell him so he's at least aware of it. I know you can do it. I mean, you told me off pretty quick," Jack shrugged.

"No offense, but I also haven't known you for practically my entire life. I don't know what I could be doing to him. I could ruin our friendship."

"It's your decision and it's your friendship. You can do what you want, but I think it's best if you tell him how you feel."

"I know," I sighed. "I know."

And if not to make matters worse, Jack left my van and went back inside. Right after he walked through the doors to the building, my phone rang and an image with Cole, Zach, and I in the same photo appeared on my screen.

Message: From Olivia James —
I found this video online. Cole just attacked Zach. Are you guys okay?

I sighed. I wanted to reply back to her but having that video on my phone was way too much. It just brought too many thoughts that I didn't want to think.

We're fine I responded. I had to tell her something. It's rude to leave people unanswered.

I thought about coming out to the show the other day but I got busy. Wish I could have made it. Not to witness the fight first hand but maybe save you from it. It looked bad. She texted.

Trust me, it was pretty messy. Now it's all over the internet. I rolled my eyes as I typed.

When you get back from tour, we should hang out. Maybe Zach can come too. I really miss the three of us.

I miss the three of us too.

It was hard to type that simple sentence. It's hard to have three if you barley have two.

I should tell Zach how I feel. The problem is, I don't know how I feel yet. He's nice and caring but we just started talking again. How do I know I can trust him?

:::

a/n: hiiiii
ill be at camp next week idk how much I'll update :/

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