18. Half A Heart

Sometimes, you have to lose someone to know their value.

"I will be back soon," he said pushing his luggage, across the terminal.

"I know," she nodded simply.

Did he hear her sigh? He didn't know.

He was unable to pay any attention to the mundane details of life. He was used to focusing on the bigger picture.

He looked across, at her, she was looking ahead. She always had a look of astonishment in her eyes.

She looked at the world as if it was a wound-up toy, waiting to be started. She found adventure in little things, like feeding sparrows sitting on their window panes, or the thrill in watering trees in a light drizzle, and no matter how many times she saw a rainbow, she still expressed her surprise and overwhelming happiness at the sight of the seven colours.

"I hope you have everything you need," he shrugged.

"I do. You don't have to be worried about me, just focus on your seminar. I'll be fine and you'll do good," she smiled at him. A small smile, but nevertheless it showed her dimples. He looked away from her face. She was undoubtedly beautiful. Sometimes, he wished that he could appreciate her for everything that she did for him, along with her beauty and compassion, but she had never asked for his compliments and he had refrained from giving one.

"Goodbye," he shifted his weight from one leg to another.

She nodded, "I'll see you soon."

He stepped onto the plane and glanced back. He thought he was only changing timezones but when he saw her waving at him, he paused. His heart paused. Was he really running away? Was he really abandoning her now, when she needed him? Was he so desperate that he was trying escape his fate?

He entered the cabin. The hustling noise, cries of children and a continuous hum of people jibbering among themselves. There was so much noise but it all seemed faded in his mind. He sighed.

When had he become so faded?

He sat down and gazed out of the window. He still had twenty minutes left till take off. His eyes searched the clear blue sky. There was no single cloud in sight.

Unlike his mind the weather wasn't fogged. He closed his eyes.

He couldn't comprehend why he wasn't in love with the person he was spending his life with. His wife. His other-half. His soulmate.

He should be madly and irrevocably in love with her, but he wasn't. They had been married for three years and their relationship was formal, too formal. They slept on the same bed, just for the sake of it. They ate in silence, they shared what happened in their respective workplaces and that was it. It was a routine they followed, so that they didn't fall apart. The gulf between them continued to widen with passing days, they were two strangers living under the same roof. It had began to suffocate him and so he decided to flee at the first chance he got. He was flying to Sydney for a month.

The plane was already in the air, steadily rising. He sunk lower in his seat. He had applied to extend his stay there for a year. He had not informed her about it, yet. She thought that he would be back in 30 days but in reality, he had betrayed her trust.

He remember the first month of his marriage. He had seen that she observed his habits for a week and then easily adjusted to his lifestyle. She balanced her work in office and in home, she knew how he liked his coffee, with extra milk and no cream. She knew which was his side of bed, that he went for tediously long walks when he was stressed and that he smoked when he was happy about something at office.

He was walking around in the oldest part of the city, near The Rocks. He aimlessly wandered waiting for her to call. He still had three more weeks left, till he would find out whether his plea had been extended or not. It was late back home and he was beginning to get anxious.