Stay for me///minizerk story :)

Try again...

TW- there is mentions of wanting to die/suicidal thoughts & self-harm & homophobic thoughts. Stay Safe Boi's x :)

A/N- Hi guys, i'm goinG to TrY to write a minizerk story (please be patient- i'm not the best at writing XD).  Also, it kinda switches between tenses so if you get confused, please pm me xx

Simon's P.O.V

Sighing, i looked longingly out of the dreary car window, hands fidgeting with anxiety and anticipation in my lap. I was moving yet again but what was new? All my life my family and i had been hopping from location to location, almost not daring to stay in a place too long. I'd never truly understood why, but i also never had a reason to attempt to comprehend what was happening. My youth was full of adventure and mystery...Where would we end up next? But the years soon caught up as moving became much more of a burden-especially with my social anxiety. I could never make friends. I mean,after all, who would wanna be friends with the runaway? The family who runs from their problems. Hah. In an attempt to control the nerves and block out the calamitous thoughts threatening to destroy my mind, i turned up my favourite song by TØP and closed my fatigued, weary eyes.

Before i knew it, we were here. I didn't exactly know where 'Here' was but i awoke to the sound of traffic and my mother shaking me, gently whispering my name.It had always been me and mum alone. Well, i suppose not always; my dad had abandoned me at a young age and i missed him greatly but he left me, right? Grabbing my suitcase, i trudged slightly behind my mum who had already entered the house. Despite the comforting cream walls and fresh carpet, this would never be home. Ultimately, we would eventually leave this for a new life... a new place with new people. In the belief i could possibly avoid awkward conversations of mutual agreement over the new house with my 'family' , i dashed upstairs to my new 'room' and closed the door.

It was an averagely small room, containing a wardrobe, bed and a window. I laid onto the bed and let the tears streak down my face. I was so done. Done with moving. Done with horrible attempts to make friends only to leave them in the dust as we moved away YET again. Done with existing. I'd always tried to push past it, ignore it, accept it. I mean, what else could i do? Die. Maybe that was for the better. No-one had ever wanted me anyways- my dad left me and everything would be so much easier for my mum if i left. I was dragging her down into my bottomless put of despair and she didn't deserve that. If i didn't kill myself to end this pain, id do it for her. Life wasn't fair. A cliche saying i know but it's true. All my life i'd watch children having fun with their friends or their proper family at the park, stuffing themselves with ice-cream or a boy and a girl, completely,utterly infatuated with each other. Normal. WHY COULDN'T I BE NORMAL? Why was MY family broken? Why was I broken? Why did I have to be gay? Why couldn't i have friends?! Why was i suicidal? Life hates me just as much as i hate it.

I trailed to the bathroom and had a shower, enjoying the burning water as it cleansed my mind as well as my body. As i climbed out and grabbed my towel, i noticed my razor in my toiletry bag. I shouldn't , i know i shouldn't. But i'm so desperate for the thoughts, the v o i c e s to be quiet. Impulsively, i reached for the blade and began to run it across my arm, tears spilling and merging with the crimson liquid that began to trickle down my arm.

This is for being so stupid

This is for not having any friends, ever

This is for being ugly

This is for being gay

This is for existing

Breaking down, i wiped my scarlet arm until the blood flow stopped. How had it gotten this bad? I threw on a jumper to cover the cuts, just like how my smile hid my deepest thoughts from all those ive loved. I walked down the stairs before being confronted by my mothers beaming face.

"Good news kid, i've enrolled you into the local school. It seems really good."

Great. Just great.

"Cool" i replied, grabbing an apple off the table, faking a smile. I felt dread wash over me at the sound of school. School had never gone well for me. Never the smartest, sportiest yet always the loneliest. Running upstairs, i climbed into bed and closed my eyes. After all, tomorrow was going to be a horrible experience-new school new people new life . However, something at the back of my mind told me perhaps this was my time to try again. No, i sighed to myself. There was no point in lying to myself. No one had ever wanted me and that wouldn't change. Giving up on my thoughts, i fell into the pit of darkness once more.

A/N- please let me know what you think and if it was too fast. IDK i think it was an ok start. Sorry for no Josh yet but dw he'll come in the next chapter ;) (if i decide to continue, that is) Have a nice day bois xx