Married with no choice

Chapter 16

Chapter 16

"Why Vans? Why do you have to go away?" Liam asks and all my friends agree.

"Because I can't stay in the place where I will be seeing him. I want to get on with my life and try to forget my love for him if that's possible," I say wiping tears off my face. It has been awful.

"I can't believe there is no more of the Gifford's. You were honestly the best with him," Lulu says and I hug her. My eyes were all puffy and red from crying the whole night. My body was tired but I could not rest. This divorce is taking the life out of me. Even though I was the one who asked for it, I don't want one. But I also can't bare the fact that he was not loyal to me.

"You know, call us anytime you need and we will be there for you," Kylie says and I smile. I have given him everything but I got nothing in return.

"Thank you all for supporting me and for being there for me," I say and we have a group hug. It might probably be the last time I was going to see them.

"Liam, take care of my Aura," I say wiping tears off my face. I can't believe that I was going away from all of these.

"I am really sorry about Rob too Spencer. This relationship ended because you caught my bouquet," I say and she smiles. They broke off their engagement about a week ago and I have been feeling guilty ever since.

"Darling, if Rob and I were perfect for each other then we would have been together and we are not," she says and I hug her.

My flight was leaving in 2 hours and I had to get to the airport.

I hug all of them and leave to the airport. I sit at the terminals when a young girl delivers a letter for me and walks away. I open it.

"I saw the look in your eyes today when you finally realized what I had done. Your pretty mouth dropped open slightly and you were at a loss for words. You didn't need to say anything, anyway, because I saw it all in your eyes--betrayal, disillusionment, revulsion. In that moment, I just wanted to crawl under a rock somewhere and hide. But now that I understand the gravity of what I've done, my actions have filled me with self-loathing and remorse. It's difficult for me to look in the mirror and I'm not proud of the man I see there when I do.

Sometimes, there are simply no words that can adequately express the depth of a person's feelings that are plagued by regret, guilt, and sadness for a wrong done. This is my predicament now for hurting you so badly when you trusted me so.

I want to tell you I'm sorry a thousand times, but I know my apology can't undo what has been done or ease the pain in your heart. Cheating on you is certainly an unforgivable mistake. I totally deserve all the anger and resentment from you for what I have put you through.

However, it also pains me to see you suffering as a result of my misbehaviour. Guilt burns in my heart thinking of all the hurt that you must have felt because of my recklessness. Each time that I think of you, I get angry with myself because I can imagine all the bitter tears you must have shed when you learned of my indiscretion.

I'm feeling like this because there is still love for you glowing in my heart. Otherwise, I wouldn't have cared one bit and moved on. But I don't want this relationship to end. I still care deeply about you and love you with all my heart. I truly want you to be happy again with me still being a part of your life.

Well, a mistake is a mistake. I know I don't have the right to ask anything from you when I have foolishly betrayed your trust in me. But if you can find it in your heart to forgive me and give me another opportunity to prove to you how much I love you, I will be very, very relieved indeed. For that would mean I still have the chance to love and cherish you as you deserve, and a chance to make your future a happier one with more laughter and fewer tears.

Lastly, I just want to say that I have faith in my love for you. I have faith that we will overcome the odds and make our relationship even better than before. Give me another chance and I have faith that, one day, we will look back at this and be glad that we didn't walk away from each other.

I have no excuse for what happened and saying "I'm sorry" hardly seems adequate. But if you could forgive me this time, I promise you this will never happen again. Both the suffering that I've caused you and the misery I feel now show me that breaking my word causes too much damage to both of us to ever want to do it again. Whatever selfish gratification I thought I'd gain by my foolish act has disappeared like a wisp of cloud under the noonday sun. All that remains is guilt and a stronger resolve to be not only the man you want me to be, but to be the man that I want myself to be.

I did cheat on you after 3 days we got married but I didn't when I missed our date. I know it may be difficult to believe right now, but I really do love you and have honestly never loved anyone else. In the past year, we've become so much a part of each other's lives that I really can't imagine my life without you anymore. I don't think it would benefit either one of us to give up on this relationship yet because we've both invested so much of ourselves into it already and our good times have far outnumbered the bad. What few problems we've had in the past have been minor and we've been able to work through them with very little trouble.

I would give anything to pick up where we left off--just doing everyday things like coming back to our house after work, kicking back on the couch and sharing the ups and downs of each other's day. I enjoy taking turns at being chef (when we don't order pizza) and appreciate your willingness to watch a game with me once in a while. We had already started to plan our summer vacation together before this happened. Wouldn't it be great if we could still get away together for a while and try to put this behind us?

I know I'm really expecting a lot to ask you to continue making plans with me, but the alternative is too painful to even consider. Please remember all the good times we've had already, as well as all the good times that are still out there waiting for us to discover. I promise you a faithful companion who has learned his lesson and is more determined than ever to make you happy and stand by you as long as you will have him," it said and tears fall down my cheek. I knew that this was from Will. It had to be.

"I forgive you," I say to myself and smile.