Redamancy

I take a step into the forest, red leaves crunching under my weight. I soak in the familiar surroundings. The forest is ever-changing, the dead leaves are replaced with the new ones, new creatures are given life everyday, yet everything stays. It seems like over the years of my absence, the forest hasn't changed a bit.

The memories flood back to me, those of my younger days where I was so carefree, running around unafraid of what may lie further down the path of the forest. I imagine myself at the tender age of six, resting comfortably against the trunk of a tall Sequoia. I snore quietly, dreaming of yellow leaves.

Then, as I further into the depths of the forest, the canopies begin to thicken and darkness engulfs the undergrowth, cracks of sunshine spilling through the emergent. I vividly remember resting against one of the trees at the age of sixteen, my face distorted in despair and helplessness of loss. My hand, tangled in my red weaves and my eyes squeezed shut in lost hope. My head rests against the tree lazily and the thought of it brings back the familiar ache in my heart.

I brush off the ache as I've learnt to master as I grew and continue down the path. The darkness becomes more prominent, sunshine no longer reaching the forest floor.

"Are you sure we should go there?" the voice behind me asks, a worried tone in his voice. I turn around to give him a reassuring smile.

"Can't keep running away from the dark forever, can we?" I ask rhetorically before turning around to meet the darkness once again. I follow the faded trail into the dark, holding his hand tightly. As we navigate through the dark, thoughts of myself in college flood back to me. I am no longer resting against a tree, I'm lying supine on the dirt, staring endlessly into the sky that seemed to have disappeared. My eyes are filled to the brim with tears, but they never fall. Despite the tears, I'm smiling an ingenuine smile. The kind of mask an actor wears on stage. The ache fills my heart again, but stronger now from the loss of that familiar idyllic life.

I don't realise my own eyes tearing up until a tear silently slips down my cheek. I continue down the path, my hand subconsciously squeezing the hand in mine. The path seems to be never-ending as the light never seemed to arrive. Despite my fading faith, I continue through.

My heart jumped when I see the light slowly creeping towards us with every step taken. As I soaked in the sunshine, the light dancing on my skin, I watched as the orange over the skyline slowly faded into blue. I take a seat on the leafy floor, resting my weight on my hands. Nathan follows my actions and sits beside me on the cliff. We stay silent for a while, soaking in the idyllic scene before Nathan turns to look at me. His face morphs into a mixture of sadness and confusion as he studies my face.

"Why are you crying?" he asks, cupping my cheek and using the pad of his thumb to wipe away the trail of glaze left by my tears. I shake my head which causes him to retract his hand.

"Nothing."

"I'm not sure I believe that."

I chuckle dryly at his words as look into his ocean eyes that show a sea of concern for me.

"Thank you, Nate," I say with a gracious smile. He quirks an eyebrow in confusion. "For being here my whole life."

I notice his body relax as he smiles at me.

"You've done the same for me."

"Not nearly as much," I shrug, shifting my gaze to the scene in front of me. I inhale a deep breath, the smell of wood and leaves wafting into my nose, successfully comforting my racing mind. "I love you, Nate."

I turn to him again and despite his straight face, his eyes show happiness and fear of what my words mean.

I take in another deep breath in an attempt to calm my racing heart as I stare at the skyline. I nearly jump at the sudden shattering of silence.

"I love you too."

I turn to him and notice his large smile on his face, the kind of diamond that wasn't the prettiest, but priceless to me. I mimic his smile before resting my head on his shoulder. We sit there for a while, sinking into each others' presence as we watched the sun rise.