The Harpers 😎 Two and a Half Men [On Hold]

Most Chicks Won't Eat Veal

(^outfit)

(^hair)

"Twelve years, and she just throws me out. I mean what was the point of our wedding vows? You know, 'Til death do us part.' Who died? Not me. Not her," Uncle Alan tells as we stare at him blankly from the couch.

"How did you get in my house?" Dad asks as I keep myself from falling asleep.

I'm too tired for this bullshit.

"Okay, Charlie, the key in the fake rock only works if it's among other rocks. Not sitting on your welcome mat," Uncle Alan says before he starts pacing.

"Why in the hell are you here?" I asks while Dad keeps drinking.

"Judith kicked me out. I just said it."

"No why in the hell are here at our house?" I ask and Dad chuckles at me as Uncle Alan gives me a dirty look.

"Excuse me, but if you put the fake rock in with a bunch of other rocks, it's impossible to find when you're drunk," Dad says. I nod and point at him in agreement.

"You know I'm a good husband. I'm faithful-"

"-Is she?-"

"-Is she what?"

"Faithful," I say and Uncle Alan scoffs and stops talking for a second.

"Don't be ridiculous. Judith doesn't even like sex. I mean, all she kept saying was she feels suffocated, you know? She kept going on and on, 'I'm suffocating.' What does that mean, you know? Has a woman ever said that to you?" Uncle Alan asks Dad as I yawn.

"Well, yeah. But not a woman who doesn't like sex," Dad says.

"And Jake. This could just destroy Jake-"

"-Jake?-"

"-my son," Uncle Alan tells Dad before realization hits.

"Oh yeah. Teenagers are pretty sophisticated these days. I mean look at Char, I don't have to tell her one thing," Dad says and I smile a sleepy smile.