The same thoughts kept running through your mind. The need to die, to leave this place and people behind, the feel that you don't deserve what you have.
You felt like your brain stopped it's functioning, you couldn't say what you were feeling in words. You couldn't understand why you were feeling this way inspite of taking antidepressants. You felt your heart aching, You felt like crying so much but you couldn't as you were sleeping in your bed,facing your boyfriend. You looked at his sleeping form, the way he hugs a pillow while sleeping, how his facial expressions changes when he's talking out loud in his sleep. You couldn't help but let out a tear, this pain was too much for you to handle. You knew you don't deserve him cause he would always stay by your side even when you pushed him away from your life, when you hurted him in the meanest way possible, when you dominated and criticized him for his actions. He always stayed with you showing his love towards you.
You got up from the bed closing the door as quiet as possible. You walked to the balcony and sat in the floor, cool air hitting your skin,You looked up at the stars which shined Bright in the night sky, but before you could see them clearly your eyes were filled with tears, that is when you were crying your heart out. You felt guilty for treating him bad. You did love him but you never expressed that to him like he did. You were a coward. You never apologized for your words and actions.
You pulled your knees to your chest, burying your face into them to muffle your cry. As you were crying you felt a hand placed under your knees, lifting you to his lap and hugged you, you didn't have to guess who it was. It was taehyung. He pulled you close to his chest and hugged you tightly as if you were some kind of precious thing which will leave him if he let go. He didn't know what was bothering you but he surely knew the right words to say to you.
He spoke up " It can be hard at times you know, hard to stay with people, hard to be focused on your work, even more harder when you have to deal with annoying people when you're feeling down. But you are doing well and I'm sure you'll do well in the future too. You know something? we always feel like we don't deserve what we have but we fail to understand that we are close with people because we deserve them. Just remember, you play the most important role in my life, you have a better place,if not in this world then in my heart" with that he looked down at you lifting your chin up to face him. He could see the pain in your eyes but it pained him the most to see you in pain. He always wanted to protect you . At that moment he promised himself to protect and take care of you no matter what!
He kissed your forehead and pressed his forehead against yours,he spoke in a soft voice but loud enough for you to hear " I'll stay by your side no matter what happens to us. Just don't keep everything to yourself and share with me. Let's fight back together! But please-please stop taking antidepressants. It is like that's the only cure you have but you fail to notice that I'm your medicine when you're in pain. Let me help you from your pain."
By the time he finished saying his eyes were filled with tears threatening to leave. You looked at him, your eyes mirroring his. You could only say these words that came from your heart before hugging him tightly " I love you ".
CITEȘTI
𝑴𝒚 𝑫𝒆𝒂𝒓 𝑶𝒏𝒆 (𝑜𝑛𝑒𝑠ℎ𝑜𝑡)
Fanfiction"You have a better place, if it is not this world then it is my heart" . . . According to me, Depression is the most dangerous disease in this world. There are people who are going through a lot but they never share them to anyone, instead they...
