honey & homesickness

october lies

1. "You are perfect to me."

Because you treated my body like a conquest,
Something to tame and muzzle,
And now, I trim back my wilderness,
Terrified of feeding the beast,
Terrified of becoming more.

2. "I love you."

Because now, I think of love like a pinprick,
Drawing blood from my fingers,
Not something to give or feel,
But something to escape.

3. "I can't live without you."

Because you tucked me away,
Hid me under your bed, in your closet,
Trapped in a shoe-box space in your mind.
Obedience meant living in a fishbowl,
Surviving in your dresser drawer.

4. "No one else could love you."

Because I tore myself open again and again,
Picking apart the scars on my underbelly
And trying to snuff out the gentleness,
Whatever kept me unloved,
Whatever kept me here.

5. "I would never hurt you."

Because the bruises you left on my skin
Cry out a different story, a different memory.
My mind was the exit wound,
And still, I'm stuck here, bleeding out.