Bonds of Change (Star Trek 2009/RPF Xover)

8. Lost and Found

It was very strange being lost in his own mind, especially since Jim knew he was doing it deliberately. His body had needs, but those needs could hurt his mate, so he had withdrawn from the physical; perfectly logical, only his conscious mind was a few steps behind. Hence, he was aware of what was happening, but he didn't really feel in control of it. The fact that his mental retreat looked surprisingly like the bridge of the Enterprise didn't overly help.

"Half-witted moron," he accused himself as he sat in his command chair.

"I would have to disagree."

He all but jumped out of his skin and he stood up, turning in shock as he heard Spock's voice. What he really, really did not expect to see was Spock and Uhura standing shoulder to shoulder in his mental projection.

"What are you doing here?" he all but demanded. "How did you get into my head?"

"Then you are aware of what is happening, Captain?" Uhura asked in a very concerned tone.

"Yes," he said, feeling as if he should be going somewhere else or at least backing away, "I know what I did, and I still want to know what you're doing in my head."

"I have initiated a Vulcan mind meld," Spock said as if that was as simple as handing him the crew schedule of something. "The prognosis is grave should you be allowed to continue your chosen course of action."

"I didn't choose it and I can't control it," he snapped, "so just get out of my head and get on with your lives. I saw emotion in your eyes, Spock, I ... I sensed it, so don't try and tell me I don't know what I would be messing up if I let us continue."

"I would not attempt to tell you any such thing," Spock replied, "I am in love with Nyota and it seems this cannot be overcome simply by progressing logically."

Hearing Spock say such things made Jim want to flinch away and he could barely control himself.

"Then what the hell ..."

"There are alternatives which you are not considering."

That shut him up. He was pretty sure there was only one option, but Spock did not lie. Oh, his first officer was quite capable of bending the truth and failing to give all the information if necessary, but lying was something Spock skirted around.

"What?" he asked, unable to keep the hope out of his voice.

"You are bonded to Spock," surprisingly it was Uhura who spoke, "which makes you his and he chooses to be yours. The problem is that he is also mine."

Jim knew that and he wasn't getting it.

"So, Jim," Spock said and his first name sounded quite bizarre on the Vulcan's lips, "the obvious solution is we bring Nyota into the relationship."

That shocked him to his core. He couldn't help staring at Uhura.

"What?" he asked rather stupidly. "But ... would that even work?"

"It is the only option remaining," Spock said.

That, however, did not answer his question and he gathered his thoughts, trying to think sensibly.

"Why," he asked, looking the young woman in the eye, "why would you be willing to do this?"

Uhura was not bound into this; it would complicate her life incredibly and if she just waited, she could have Spock back anyway. Humanitarian issues aside, because he had no doubt if she was simply moved by pity this would end in disaster, he needed to understand her reasoning.

"Because I am in love with Spock," she replied, but Jim knew that would not be enough.

There was no room for jealousy in the bond; it would rip him apart and probably Spock along with it if he let this go on.

"And I respect you and most of the time even like you," Uhura continued before he could voice his fears. "Adam asked me if I could have Spock back would I take you as well. He also told me it would have to be with my whole heart. You, James Tiberius Kirk have been a pain in my ass since the day I met you, but I am perfectly willing to admit I have always been attracted to you."

Spock didn't even blink at that and Jim realised it was something Spock had already known.

"Attraction and this," he waved his hands because it was easier than putting it into words, "are not the same."

"No," she replied and stepped towards him, "but what I feel can become more. I could be logical and say that I care deeply for Spock, he cares deeply for you and hence should you die it will be detrimental to his being, or I could just admit that I like you and I'm sure, one day, I can love you too."

Jim honestly had no idea what to say. He wanted Spock with every fibre of his being and knew that he had changed to make Spock want him, but Uhura, no Nyota he mentally corrected himself, altered the whole dynamic.

"That leaves only the question, can you adjust to an addition to the relationship?" Spock asked in his usual straightforward manner. "There will be no chemical compulsion in this part, you must be willing to do this the human way."

Several nightmare scenarios flew through Jim's head at that; he was very good at short relationships that were just a bit of fun, but he'd never had one that lasted more than a few weeks. If he was honest with himself, he wasn't quite sure how they worked.

"Of course, if I were to point out that including Nyota in our relationship would make me happy, I believe the issue would be less complicated," Spock said.

"You really want this?" Jim asked, because it was hard to believe.

"I do," Spock replied and for once did not expand on why.

Jim felt something shift inside him, it wasn't sudden and complete acceptance, but it was definitely a move in the right direction. Adam had been right, at a fundamental level he wanted to make Spock happy.

"Okay then," he said, feeling strangely nervous, "what happens now?"

He wasn't waking up, which would seem like the thing to do since the reason for his self-imposed isolation was now gone.

"I believe," Spock said, walking up to him, "we must convince you that this agreement will function appropriately."

"And how do we do that?" he asked.

Stunned didn't quite cover his reaction when Spock simply bent down and kissed him. In fact, he was so surprised that he was kissing back with vigour before his mind even caught up with what was going on. Suddenly he was desperate for as much of Spock as he could reach, and he pushed himself out of the chair so he could wrap himself around his not so logical Vulcan. For a while he totally forgot that he and Spock were not alone.

When he did finally break away, his eyes landed on Nyota to find that she was watching them with her lips slightly parted.

"Don't stop on my account," she said, eyes large and open and black.

He also noticed that the light in the room had changed. The normal bright light of the bridge had dimmed and was now tinged red as if it was red alert, but without the flashing. Clearly his subconscious was onboard with the whole situation.

"What should we do?" Spock asked and Jim glanced at his mate to find Spock was looking at Nyota, which was when he remembered the conversation he and Spock had been having before he'd messed everything up.

He was all for a little bit of role play in the bedroom and it occurred to him that Spock might be on to something. His instincts were humming under his skin and they were very much in approval. The fact he was not in control didn't bother him, because neither was Spock and it was the perfect way to bring Nyota into the equation.

"And, James," Nyota said in a way that had him thinking all sorts of bad thoughts, "do you want me to tell you what to do?"

"Hell yes," he said, because his blood was high just from the kissing.

If there was one thing that was abundantly clear about Nyota it was that she was adaptable, because she smiled as if she had been born to her role.

"Then strip," she told them, "I want to see what I am getting."