Closure (A Supernatural Fanfic)

13 - Wishful Thinking

Sam

Before I'm in my own mind, I walk into the waiting room. It still smells overly clean. Dean is pacing the waiting room, Cas stands, looking out the window. Dean notices me, and stops in his tracks.

"What's going on?" He asks. Cas jumps slightly, and turns. He faces me, his eyes intent on me.

I break into a smile. "She's awake"

"She---she's awake?" Dean says. His eyes shine with tears. "Is she--"

"They're getting her settled down--she was panicking when she woke up. But she--she's fine. Before I went in there, I ran into Dr. Scott. He says he's never seen anything like it. Her bones are healed, the bleeding's gone, there's no indication of a concussion at all. She's..."

"Oh my god," Dean says, and he bursts out crying, turning to Cas, who looks overjoyed at the news. Dean walks up to him and holds in for a hug.

"Thank you, Cas. Thank you. You...you saved her," Dean says. Cas smiles, sniffling, and closes his eyes.

"I....you're welcome, Dean. Sam."

The nurse, who's tag labels her "Sarah," walks into the waiting room and up to me.

"Are you Sam?" she asks. She has to crane her head all the way up, and she's a good foot and a half away.

I nod. "That's me."

"We have her all settled in, off the machinery except for IV. She's stable, she's breathing—I don't know how this happened, she's recovered so quickly. It's incredible...and she's asking for you."

"Me?" I repeat, confused.

"Yes. She's asking for you. So if you want to go see her—"

"Of course I'm gonna go see her," I say. I can't help but break into a smile, and let out a short laugh. "She's...she's okay?"

"She's perfect, Sam."

Dean pats me on the shoulder, "See? This is perfect."

"Yeah. I'll...I'll come and get you guys—when we're done, I guess." I say, lingering over the frame from the waiting room to the hall.

"Take your time, Sammy. You two've got a lot to talk about."

"Right."

I walk down the hallway, thinking of everything I want to say.

Part of me wishes she doesn't remember anything I just talked about.

Part of me knows that probably isn't my luck and she was standing by and listening the whole time.

Eventually I find my way back to her room. She's sitting up, and holding Myla, crying tears of joy, enveloped in her own happiness.

I smile and walk through the doorway. Nova looks up, and meets my eyes. Her smile grows even wider, and I say "hi."

"Dean said we had a lot to talk about," she says.

I swallow nervously, and nod. "Yeah, I guess we do."

"I heard...what you said...before I woke up."

I stop, frozen in my tracks.

Tears well up on her face, and she sniffles.

"Please don't leave us. The kids—they love you so much. Even this one right here. She's already heads over heels. And—"

My heart drops, and tears well in my eyes, too.

"—Cas's protecting us. So we literally have an angel on our side. And—"

"Nova." I say simply. I look down at her.

"Yes?"

"I...I don't want to leave you. This is not me wanting to leave you. This is me, walking away because I know that I'm nothing but a threat—"

"Sam." Nova says, voice broken. "Take the baby, put her in her bassinet, won't you? She's falling asleep."

"Of course." I take her, Nova helping her into my arms. I walk gently over to the bassinet, and Myla smiles and coos. Her hands are out, free. I place her gently in the bassinet, and kiss her tiny forehead.

I turn to look at Nova, and sit on the chair beside her.

"Sam. Look me in the eyes and say you want to leave her behind."

Silence. Tears continue to fall down my face.

"Tell me you want Aubrey and Jude to listen to how Sam isn't coming back because he's too afraid that we're gonna get hurt even though we have the best protection in the worl—"

"Nova."

"Look me in the eyes, Sam."

I look her in the eyes.

She's tearing up, too. She's tired, angry, sad, and...

Disappointed.

3/4 of those emotions, I put on her.

"Tell me, as a man, that you want to throw this away."

"Nova—"

"Just say it. And you can walk away. But don't ever come back."

I wipe the tears from my face, and look at her.

I lean closer to her.

"Nova. I don't want to leave. I want to stay behind with you, kick away the life for good. I want to be able to stay with the kids. I want to teach Jude how to tie a tie, I want to take him fishing. I would love nothing more than to dress up with Aubrey for tiny little tea parties or whatever the hell she's into, I don't know—"

Nova laughs at that.

"I want to watch this baby grow up. I want to see her take her first steps, find out what kind of foods she likes, I want to be able to get up with you and decide who's turn it is to wake up with her. I want to fall asleep with you in my arms. I want to fall in love with you more and more every day, like I am right now.

"I'd give anything for a chance to even kiss you—"

She leans in, and kisses me, full and steady. There are tears being shed by both sides. I place my hands on both sides of her head, and it feels like forever. It's blissful, it's full of love and softness.

She pulls away, and looks at me.

"Where's the but in this, Sam?"

"I...."

"I think maybe you should think about things more. And let me know what you decide."

I nod. Then, like an idiot, I turn and walk out the door.