𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐭𝐡, aaron hotchner [hiatus]

01. WHEELS UP

HE KNOWS IT'S HYPER-VIGILANCE, and that almost makes it worse — being aware of a problem, knowing every objective answer, but not being able to take the fear away. Textbooks can't fix something like this. Words from his past echo in his head (And in many ways Agent Gideon is damned by his profound knowledge of others).

They're all damned, Aaron thinks, as he lies curled up on the leather couch in his foyer. He was angry at Gideon, when he first left. For leaving without telling them, for telling Reid, but he understands - more than anyone else on the team - his reasons behind it. Haley's death struck a chord in Agent Hotchner that no one had been able to touch before.

So, yeah, he knows the tension, the alertness and anxiety, they all fall in the category of hyper-vigilance, but he can't seem to shut it off. Instead, he puts his son to bed and stays awake, guarding his home. Guarding himself; tricking himself into thinking that he's doing something to help them. Then he turns around and faces the same horrors that he can't quite seem to wash out of his skin — the scars from a knife that will never heal.

He gets the call around 4AM, and immediately knows what it means. He picks up on the second ring. "SSA Hotchner."

"Hello, sir, sorry if I woke you. I wouldn't call if I didn't think it was urgent. I spoke to Detective LaMontagne of New Orleans the other day, and he informed me of a case, but there was only one victim at the time so I didn't prioritize it. I've been keeping an eye on it, and VICAP just pinged me. There's been a second murder," Garcia's rambling voice came from the phone.

"Alright, Penelope. Get the team prepared and I'll be there as soon as I can find somewhere to take Jack. Thank you for telling me," He spoke softly, careful to not wake his son.

"Yes, sir, I'll see you soon," She returned.

Guilt quickly washed over the relief he was feeling. Someone was hurting families like Foyet hurt his. A son could be missing a mother; a husband missing a wife. Aaron shook his head, trying to push himself out of his thoughts. They had a case. Now was the time to be alert, to focus.

He put his stuff together fast, having most of it ready to go. His go-back was always packed, as well as an extra for Jack, in case of situations like this. After taking a deep breath, he made his way into Jack's room quietly.

"Hey buddy," He said, shaking his son's shoulder gently. "You gotta get up, Daddy has to go."

Jack's face scrunched up, and he brought a hand to his face to rub at his tired eyes. Hotch fought the urge to coo at his boy, he was a grown man and they had places to be. "Huh?" Jack's voice was groggy from sleep.

He smiled. "We gotta go, bud, I have a case."

It took a minute to get Jack into a sitting position, and even longer to get him off the bed. When he made grabby hands at his father, Hotch almost scoffed. "Okay, champ, but I can't do this for much longer. I'm getting around to putting the 'old' in 'your old man'."

Jack giggled as he eventually relented and picked him up. With both Jack and their stuff in his arms, he finally made his way out of the apartment complex. After securing them both in his car, he called Jessica and alerted her of the change of plans. She was understanding, and agreed to take Jack, as usual, which only served to heighten his sense of guilt. If only Haley was still here... (If only he was stronger).

Driving proved to be a difficult task, running on a severe lack of sleep and a few cups of coffee. He knew it was dangerous, could recount the number of times he prosecuted people for DUI's from sleep deprivation. But it was a risk he had to take, and he made it to Jessica's house safely. Jack was safe. For now, the voice in his head bit back at him bitterly.

"Aunt Jess!" Jack exclaimed as the door opened, revealing a very tired Jessica Brooks attempting at the same level of enthusiasm.

"Hey, Jack! You spending the night with me?" She catered to him, grinning at Hotch.

"Yeah, I am!" He said, before pausing and lowering his voice, "Daddy's gonna go catch some bad guys."

Hotch sighed. "Okay, Jack. I know I woke you up, but it's still nighttime and you gotta get some sleep. Be nice for Aunt Jess, okay honey? I love you so much," He told his boy, smiling at the returned 'Love you too, Daddy'. Then, he turned to Jess. "I'm sorry about this, thank you for taking him."

"Of course, Aaron, it's no problem. You know I don't mind. Now you take care of this case, and yourself. I've got this," She said.

"Thank you, again. Good-bye, Jack."

He called Garcia again as he left, letting her know that Jack was with his aunt and he was on his way. He thought of coffee as he drove to the BAU, hoping that someone had already started some. He was also hoping that said person person wasn't Derek; he liked too much creamer. Hotch preferred his coffee black.

It seemed like ages before he arrived, but he knew it had only taken a few minutes. The roads were empty at this time at night, which was one of the perks of having a job with unreliable hours, he supposed.

Hotch is the last one in the briefing room, and takes his place near the back. Garcia begins to distribute case files and crime scene photos as Rossi hands him a cup of coffee. He nods at Dave gratefully, before taking a sip. Just how he likes it - he guesses Jennifer got to the pot first. She winks at him in confirmation.

"Okay," Garcia takes a breath before continuing. It's a tick of hers, something she does to prepare herself for the more disturbing part of their job. "Last week in Louisiana, two dead bodies were found dumped in remote locations in the city. Lead detective William LaMontagne has asked us to help out."

"But why us?" Rossi asked, brows lightly furrowed. It was an easy question, with such a seemingly random request. It was rare the Behavioral Analysis Unit was called in for just two homicides.

"Because of... this." She turns her head to look at the screen, and the others follow suit. Depicted is a blonde woman, probably in her late 30s. It wasn't unusual for a crime scene, except for the glaringly obvious fact that she was wearing a wedding gown. Her appearance was slightly disheveled from the dumpster, but otherwise quite pristine, all things considered.

It's difficult for Hotch to not picture Hayley as one of the victims. Even though it's been almost two years, what would have been their anniversary is creeping up on him. He stares at the photos and only sees her face, her blonde hair splayed around the garbage. Hadn't he just been thinking of someone losing a wife?

"Is she wearing a wedding ring?" Reid was quick to pick up on the smaller details, snapping him out of his reverie.

"No," Garcia answers, "Both women were found in similar attire, with their hair recently cut and nails trimmed. They both had the same haircut and dress, and both without rings. Cause of death was suffocation for both women, and since New Orleans isn't exactly a small town, I haven't found any connections yet. They both see different doctors, go to different restaurants, et cetera. Olive Greenwood's husband and Kelsey Richards' sister have agreed to speak with us, but they don't know the details of the case yet. I've started doing background checks on both husbands, but again, coming up short."

"Strangling seems like an interesting way to do it for this staging," JJ muses, "It seems like he's spending a lot of time with them for such a short kill."

"So he gets off on the ritual, not the kill," Morgan adds. Hotch finds himself nodding, spotting Rossi doing the same out of the corner of his eye.

"Okay, Garcia, pick up where you left off. The rest of you, wheels up in fifteen."

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AUTHOR'S NOTE...
i just want to warn you all the updates for this are going to be slow, and honestly i'm not super sure that i will continue this. but thank you to everyone who added this story to their lists, i'll try my best. ❤️ (p.s. please vote& leave comments!! would be greatly appreciated)