The Sweetest Downfall

Backfire

Hermione thought it was a good idea when she did it, but now she realized that it was the worst thing she could have ever done. She never contemplated on exactly how deep her love for Draco Malfoy ran. She knew it was love, of course she did, but she was stupid to assume she knew the degree of that love. Romance had never been her forte, that was clear as day to herself as well as to others. Her decision to let go of Malfoy only served to prove her wrong and destroy her.

When Ginny left the following morning, Hermione had been shaking with desperation. She had kept herself together, tied with fake smiles and useless chatter to keep Ginny blind from her pain, but in that time all of that emotion had been collecting itself into a ball of energy. And in the first moment of solitude that she was given, the ball exploded and it knocked her onto her knees. Tears streamed down her cheeks, falling onto the floor beneath her and collecting into small puddles. She sobbed like she was mourning the dead, and in a way she was. She was crying for all the hope that ceased to exist once she'd let Malfoy go.

He was engraved deep into her bones. She was sure if someone cut her open, they'd see his name carved in perfect little lines on the entire skeleton of her body. If they took her heart and placed it beneath light, they'd see his name sketch into it as to assure who it belonged to. If they examined her flesh, they'd see his fingerprints all over her body, claiming ownership, as well as the marks of his lips and teeth. Everything inside and outside of her belonged to him.

Through her flood of devastation, Hermione tried to reason with herself. She tried to remind herself that she knew this would happen one day; the only thing that changed was the fact that she ended their arrangement and not him. She had to remind herself that she was never going to get a happy ending with Malfoy, it was just not destined. They hardly could be considered friends, just partners bound to one another in a vow to protect the Wizardying world; the prospect of being forevermore lovers was not up for debate. He didn't have romantic feelings, he didn't know love, and if he ever were to, he would definitely not have them for her. There was too much damage, such a thick, nasty history, that prevented something pure to bloom. He didn't love her, he never would, so what exactly was the point in hoping that one day he might?

Hermione allowed herself the weekend to grieve for what never had been hers. And once Monday came, she looked into the mirror of her bathroom and practiced the expression of someone who felt nothing, of someone who had not spent days crying over a broken heart. So when she mastered something close to a deceivingly happy mask, she headed for her Floo and went to work.

Work itself was a good way of distraction, but that didn't last long for Malfoy was her partner and their paths were bound to cross. He marched into her office without a knock, as he'd always done, and gave her a huge stack of files. He told her what he always did, 'get on with it, Granger; we've got cases to solve', and everything else went by in silence. Unwillingly, desperately, she would sneak glances at him, but disappointment only followed when she saw that all his focus was on their work. A part of her wanted to ask him if he missed her—or her body—but it was a ridiculous thing to even think, seeing as only three days had gone by, so she busied herself with their files.

Two weeks later and everything had become a strange routine. She'd looked into the mirror and think courageous thoughts, and then she'd Floo to the Ministry. She spent the first hour alone, grieving and trying to survive his loss, but then he would march right in, shocking her, hurting her, and they would go about their work. Sometimes they hunched over archives and testimonies and on other times they were out in the street, busting the pavement to find their suspect or to find any leads. Since her attack, the Head of the Aurors required Hermione and Draco to join Harry's case full-time, which meant a pause on their other cases, and also a pause on raids and duels.