Foolish Too

Prologue

Odessa

New Orleans, LA  1962

I could hear the thunder rumbling in the background and I knew that meant that they were on their way. I knew to expect them once Luna was born, no matter how much I tried to hide her. I looked at my beautiful two month old daughter, and my heart sank. I never wanted this life for her. I felt guilty for feelin’ like I shoulda been more careful..and selfish. For me to live this life and carry the weight of this family was one thing, but she didn’t ask for this..and neither would them babies she gon’ have. I thought that if I didn’t have no kids that it would stop with me..now it’s really outta my control.

“It never was in your control Odessa..what in this realm or the damn next would ever make you believe such nonsense?”  The voice behind me whispered loudly. I knew without turnin’ around that it was Marceline.

I sat rockin’ Luna and listenin’ to her coo. She was such a beautiful lil girl, and I’m not just sayin’ that because she mine. She had a softness to her, but I could tell she was gon’ be tough too. I locked the visual of her as baby...in this moment..in my eyes because I knew I would never have another one. It was too risky. I wanted to remember her just like this.

Mama’s sacrifice.

I heard the click of Marceline’s heels against the wood of my floor as she moved closer to me. My body tensed up the closer she got. This must be what that “mama bear” feelin’ felt like. Even though I knew Marceline would never cause me or my baby no harm, I wasn’t takin’ no damn chances. Dead or not, I’d kill her all over again to protect this one right chea.

“All that won’t be necessary Dessa,” Marceline’s calm, soothing voice rang out from behind me. I knew she didn’t come alone, and maybe that’s where my anxiety was comin’ from. Marceline, as crazy as she was, never gave me a reason to not trust her. She was my guide through all this crazy mess and I knew she meant me nor Luna any harm..but I knew what she was here to do.

“Don’t go lookin’ at this as no bad thing, Odessa. You should be honored that your offspring will bring about the change people in our small but mighty world needs. You’ve always known that through your womb would pass the soul that will save our bloodline. Nobody will be able to dismantle that, not even you. Pass me that there baby, we have work to do.” Macreline stood behind me, hands outstretched waitin’ for me to hand Luna over.

My mind went in about a thousand directions. I thought about runnin’. I thought about runnin’ and hidin’ somewhere that she’ll never find us. I felt like I wasn’t givin’ Luna a chance to choose life for herself. Usually, the women in our family don’t get initiated until they get their menses...my child was only two months old.

“Odessa,” Marceline impatiently hummed, “You know the ancestors don’t like waiting.” I chuckled. The nerve of her. The ancestors? What about what the hell I don’t like? Whose idea was it to initiate a newborn? I knew that if I didn’t go through with this, Marceline and the ancestors would find me. There would be no hidin’, and they would turn this plane and the next upside lookin’ for my baby.

Marceline walked around and stood in front of me. “And you know this will be the case, so let’s do this the easy way chile. Hand me that baby.” She confirmed my thoughts and repeated her commands. I closed my eyes and stretched out my hands and it felt like my soul was leaving my body.

I heard Marceline’s chuckle and opened my eyes. “You always were dramatic Odessa. Hell, you actin’ like we takin’ this child out to the slaughter. I’ll bring her back in one piece. That’s my word.”

I heard three taps at my wooden door and knew they were tellin’ her to come the hell on. She kissed little Luna on the forehead, and turned on her heels slowly walkin’ to the door. There was a stiff silence in the air and I felt like all the life was being sucked outta my body. I turned and looked toward the door to see the ancestors, cloaks drawn over their shadows and waiting. A chill ran through my body as they stood at my door, waitin’ for my baby.

I felt a sense of loss as I realized that the baby that was full of personality..her own personality that I had fallen so in love with wasn’t gonna return the same way. She was going to gain knowledge of thangs she won’t even be able to understand right now. I got sick to the stomach thinkin’ about how that’s gon’ feel to her. Her little mind was still developin’, and I know if I’m as grown as I am and there’s shit that I can’t comprehend… I can only imagine what her little mind will be going through.

Marceline handed Luna over to the ancestors, while Luna slept through the whole thing. At least she wouldn’t remember it. “Go ahead of me, I will meet you and the others by the river.”

Marceline looked as though she was tryin’ to mask how she really felt. One thing us Dupree women are good fo’ is a  poker face. “I know this is hard Odessa. I really do. I went through the same thing with my youngins..but they were better fo’ it girl.” Marceline smiled and shook my shoulders as a sign of solidarity I guess.

I didn’t feel it.

All I could think of is the fact that my daughter, the one that passed through my loins was gettin’ initiated into a life she wouldn’t be able to understand yet. I remembered my initiation and shuddered. It wasn’t even the actual ceremony itself that was terrifying...it was what came after. The nightmares. The visions. The voices. The knowin’ of thangs I didn’t want to know. The seein’ of people and thangs for what they really are. People in this world can be ugly, evil. Even though I only experienced thangs that were for my gifts, I could only imagine what gifts my baby would have and what she would have to go through to understand them. I stared off into space, engulfed in my own thoughts.

I didn’t know this night would open the door to what my family was to become. From my daughter came Freddy Jr, Solelil & Kyleena, my three beautiful and powerful grandchildren. As the backbone and matriarch of this here Dupree family,  I know why my Luna hid their gifts from them. I’ve been keepin’ an eye out. That Solelil? She’s gonna become a mighty, mighty force to be reckoned with...if she’ll stop fightin’ herself first. The others will fall in line behind her when they see her step on to her throne. The real battle begins with self. With your gifts.

If you can’t conquer self, well what the hell else you gon’ do with the rest of it?