Syd Barrett #1 (Solace)

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But I have wept too much, Dawn breaks the heart, there seems
Vileness in moonlight, in the sun, to me. Harsh love has stuffed me like a bag with dreams.
Oh ! let my keel burst ! Let me go to the sea !

- Arthur Rimbaud (The Drunken Boat)


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Solace. (Your P.O.V)

Our life together was like being in a dystopian wasteland. We often split, Vowed never to get back but somehow ended up in each other's arms again. We hoped everytime we separated that this was the last time we'll see each other but all of those times it never happened. He ended up on my doorstep or I ended up on his. Syd was a troubled individual, So was I. This was the thing that bound us together in first place. Two broken people who wanted to find solace in each other, Who wanted to fix each other. We were living in a dream trying to turn it to reality and this couldn't happen. We knew that we couldn't defy the laws of nature. We were only human..But what made us like that was because of us being humans too..We didn't only brought out the worst of each other though. On some occasions, When Syd was clean and I wasn't drinking myself to death because of how I had to see him suffer we enjoyed sunny winter mornings like normal people do, Made breakfast for each other, He played and sang for me, I read him my poetry as he laid his head in my lap, Made love with affection instead of that hollow passion, Laughed, Went out and Just be people who we both fell in love with. But nothing lasts for eternity. It never has. Day by day, I was losing Syd. He was disappearing. Isolating himself. Instead of coming after me like before He just left me be. One day I got to know from Roger that Syd had left the band. Syd had left behind what he considered his life.
One day I ran into him. Our reunion was not bitter surprisingly. I looked at his face. Into his dark eyes, They hid so many things. So many things which were always troubling him, Eating him up from inside, Never leaving him alone. His smile was so painful and forced almost that words can't fathom. He saw right through me like he always did but to me he was a mystery. I tried to help him, I wanted to..But how can you help someone who doesn't want help? Who've given up on their own selves? So I had to move on. As much as it pained me I had to leave behind the man I loved like I had never loved someone before.

**

"Remember when you were young, you shone like the sun.
Shine on you crazy diamond.
Now there's a look in your eyes, like black holes in the sky"

"What do you think about it?" Roger asked. He had called me to survey a song he wrote about Syd. We had conjured quite a friendship over the fact that Syd was an integral part of both of our lives before he isolated himself and withdrew from everyone who he meant a lot to. I stopped reading as my lip quivered. "Y/N" Roger sprang up from his chair and engulfed me in his arms as my resolve broke and tears fell from my eyes like crazy. "Shh, it's okay" He said still holding me. "You tried, I tried, All of us tried" He said as I felt a subtle tremor in his voice and his damp cheek touched mine. I was too awry and upset to reckon if he was crying too.

This is trash. Utter trash. Syd deserves so much better.

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