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longer chap!
september 14, 2017 [19:05] seoul, korea —
the rain that evening was like bullets to minho's car door windows. it was horrific, the weather. monstrous clouds of grey stole the light of the navy blue skies. thunder so loud, he could barely think. things like that: rain, thunderstorms, etc, was so anxiety-inducing for the poor teen.
it began only a year before, when his beloved cat, soonie, got struck by lightning and sadly, passed away. generally, there's a 1 in 700,000 chance of getting struck by lightning. soonie just happened to be lucky that night.
this phobia, however, was not something minho was proud of. in fact, he didn't tell a soul. he cursed at himself often, for letting it get in the way of his daily life. those lonely nights, when the storms were at its worst, he'd have to carry the burden all on his own. some nights, he'd end up crying himself to sleep, letting his soft sobs echo around his bedroom. around his friends, he held in his cries. when tears fell, he'd always say, "it's just allergies!"
so he definitely wasn't going to let it ruin his boyfriend's birthday. especially since earlier that day, the younger hadn't stopped squealing over a surprise.
"don't mess this up," he muttered to himself, pressing firmly on the gas.
//
"they're gonna WHAT?" minho questioned with his eyebrows raised and attention heightened. this was definitely not the reaction jisung was expecting.
"... send me to paris for studies!" he repeated himself. "sorry if i wasn't clear the first time. aren't you happy for me?" jisung smiled as he tightly gripped his boyfriend's hands. still, minho had no words.
"i'd have my own apartment and everything. i hear it has the prettiest view of the city. oh god, i'm so excited." the latter sat down on jisung's bed, running his hands through his dark locks in distress. he wasn't exactly sure what to say. jisung continued to chatter on about life in paris. minho, on the other hand, had not been absorbing one bit of information.
"why aren't you saying anything?" he finally asked.
minho continued to ponder whether what was happening was truly happening. was he really going to paris? leaving minho all alone?
"did you accept?" the minho asked. again, this was not the reaction jisung was expecting.
"i mean, of course i did. i wasn't going to turn down an opportunity like that! c'mon min, you know me."
he was right, minho did know him. which is the reason why it was so difficult to get a grasp on the situation, difficult to understand that jisung would really be off to paris, about to shed off every smile, laugh, and memory shared with one another. he couldn't help but question it.
minho wasn't mad, but instead crazily sad. his eyes stung as tears slowly began to form. his heartbeat fastened and his hands shook. the thunderstorm had only gotten worse since the time he'd arrived. quickly, so that his boyfriend wouldn't notice, he forced his jittery hands into his pockets.
still, jisung saw the his boyfriend's gloomy aura, immediately growing upset at the sight. "you know what? fuck you minho. if you're not happy for me, you could go."
as much as minho didn't want to ruin jisung's birthday, it was the inevitable. like it was nothing, he suppressed his tears and finally spoke up.
"ji, of course i'm happy for you. but haven't you thought this through? you'd be gone for four years, or maybe even longer," he stopped himself, knowing it would only hurt if he continued. but with pain comes passion. "we can't, i just know we can't be together if we got tens of thousands of miles between us."
"this is my dream, minho."
he felt his head ache. with whatever was left with him, he stood up, towering over the younger. "do you know the reason why i'm still here right now? i had the chance to go all the way to america for my dream but i stayed. do you know why?"
jisung gulped in reply. he couldn't believe this was happening to him, on his own birthday. he flashed the older a look. minho understood it well, the don't-do-this look.
"i stayed here, for you," he stated firmly, poking his pointer finger that jisung's chest.
"i- i didn't know that."
"well now you do. at first i thought it was one of the best decisions i've ever made. getting to stay with the guy i loved was what i wanted more than achieving my dreams. mind you, a guy i met in high school," he continued to rant. the tears that had once pooled in his eyes began to slowly fall down his cheeks. "i wasn't even sure if it was going to last but i still stayed, sungie, because i loved you. loved."
jisung felt his heart drop at minho's words. he wanted to say, i'll stay. he wanted to say, you still mean the world to me. gosh, the poor boy wanted to scream it. but instead what came out was, "leave."
and he did.
//
later that night, minho left countless calls, voicemails, and text messages, too in hopes of apologizing for his sudden outbreak. as expected, the younger didn't text back or call at all. as the days went on, regret constantly filled his mind.
the fucking rain, he thought to himself. if only the weather had been nice that day, maybe he wouldn't have been as anxious. maybe he would've just accepted it. maybe not. there were too many maybes to count.
soon, jisung was off to paris, leaving every piece of minho he had behind, without even saying goodbye.
minho sulked, knowing that his last words to jisung were that his love for him had come to a halt.
— this book is terrible but at least its almost done
