I'm Fine

Never

Early September 1899

It was late at night when Mush woke up to the sound of mumbling. He sat up before rubbing his eyes as he slowly woke up. His eyes then adjusted to the darkness of the bunk room as he looked around to see that all the other boys were fast asleep.

That's when Mush realized Feister was the one having a nightmare. Though things had calmed down in the last couple of days, Feister still got her nightmares. They weren't as bad or frequent as they used to be, and there were even a few times where she had a nightmare free night. But, by the looks of things, this wasn't going to be one of those nights.

Without even thinking twice, Mush quickly got out of the bed and ran over to Feister's bedroom. When he got there, Mush saw Feister was tossing and turning in the bed while saying things he could barely understand. Making his way over to the bed, Mush sat down and started to wake Feister up. "Feisty, yer havin' a nightmare," he said while gently shaking her wake. By this point, Feister was less sensitive to touch, so chances were low that Mush would make things worse when he shook her awake. 

"Just leave me alone," Feister mumbled with fear in her voice as she tossed her head to the side. Her breathing started to quicken as the mumbles started to become a little louder. She rolled to the other side of the bed, trying to get away from whoever was shaking her, but it didn't work. Feister felt a hand grab onto her shoulder and pulled her back towards them. "Leave me alone!" she screamed while trying to get away.

"What's with all the racket?" a sleepy voice asked. Mush turned around and saw that Jack and just about all the other newsies standing in the small doorway with sleepy looks and messy bedhead.

"She ain't waking' up this time," Mush replied worriedly before turning his head back to Feister. She seemed to have calmed down a bit, but that was probably because he stopped trying to wake her up.

"Maybe we should-"

"I's mean this in the nicest way possible Albie," Race said in a sweet (but tired) tone. "Your ideas suck worse than the headlines."

"You don't even know what I was gonna say!" Albert replied in a rather loud tone.

"Get a cup of wada an' dump it on Feisty," Jojo said sassily. In the moment Feister shot up while taking a deep breath in before quickly breathing in and out. She felt like it was getting hotter in the room by the second as she tried to calm herself down. After a few moments, and some gulps of air, Feister fell back onto the bed and rubbed her eyes with a groan.

"Well give ya some privacy," Jack said before closing the door to the small room. That's when Feister realized that she must've woken all the boys in the middle of the night because of her stupid nightmare. She wished her nightmares would take a long walk off the Brooklyn Bridge and never return to her mind again. Which was easier said than done.

"You'se-"

"I's fine," Feister snapped as she shot up before Mush could finish what he was saying. "Just go ta bed," she finished with a sigh.

"Wanna tawk bout it?" Mush asked quietly. "It might make ya feel better."

"There's nothin' ta tawk bout," Feister spat before looking down at her hands. "Just leave me alone." Mush just sighed. It seemed like every time Feister took a step forward to getting better, she took two steps backwards. Feister is the type of girl who doesn't let anyone know how she's really feeling.

"I ain't leavin' ya alone," Mush replied firmly.

"Why not?!" Feister yelled while looking Mush dead in the eyes. "I's been on my own since I's was five, Mush! That's longer than you'se! You'se have no idea what I's went through! One disaster after anudda! Will ran away when I was four! Then my mudda died when I was five! An' my father went out and came home drunk every night! Then he finds this horrible woman before leavin' me! It's only a matter of time fore you leave me too, so ya might as well do it while yer ahead!" Feister started to shake a little as she hugged herself, and ever so quietly said, "I's used ta it. I's used to people leavin' me when I need 'em most."

It was in that moment Mush realized that Snyder did the impossible. He broke her. And it tore Mush's heart into a million pieces to see Feister like this. She was close to tears, the way her voice broke off, and, even though it was dark, Mush could see the fire in Feister's eyes were close to burning out. "I's ain't leavin' ya Feisty," Mush said while taking Feister's hand into his. "Not now, not ever." Feister only looked down again. The room went quiet in the stillness of the dark, and the only light was the moon that poured through the window.

Feister started to shake again as a few tears slipped down her cheeks. When she wiped them away she felt Mush pull her into a tight hug. Not knowing what came over her, she hugged him back as a few more tears fell. Feister knew she couldn't hold it in anymore, as much as she tried to hold it in, the faster it all came out. "I want it ta stop," she said shakily. "Everytime I's close my eyes I's back in that awful place."

"I know Feisty," Mush replied quietly. He pulled back from the hug to cup her face to wipe away the tears. "You'll get through this," he said in the sweetest tone possible.

"How?"

"By tawkin'."

"There's nothin' ta tawk about!" Feister exclaimed while pulling away from Mush. "There's nothin' ta tawk bout," she repeated firmly before looking back down again.

"I's yer boyfriend Feisty, yer supposed ta dump a bunch of stuff on me," Mush said as he slowly lifted Feister's head so he could look her in the eyes. "More importantly I's was an' still am yer best friend fore I's was ever yer boyfriend." Mush knew better than anyone else how much Feister struggles with telling people about how she really feels. But, that night was probably the biggest shock of his life since Feister actually told him a little bit about her trip to the Refuge. She cried a bit, but he held her tightly as she let everything out.

After awhile Mush convinced Feister to get some sleep. It took awhile but the small girl eventually fell into a deep sleep. Mush stayed there for a few minutes to make sure another nightmare didn't wash into Feister's mind. When he noticed that she was peacefully asleep, Mush lightly kissed her forehead, making the dark haired girl stir in her peaceful sleep. He smiled as he said, "I love ya, Feisty. Sweet dreams." before leaving the small room to go get a good night's rest of his own.