MOMENTS

I WISH I COULD TELL YOU

Dear Snake,

You will never know about the feelings I had (or have) for you. Because I will never tell you about it. I still remember the day we started to talk. I told Alice (fake name) that whenever I pass through your class I see you holding a depressed expression. So as she was your 'FRIEND' she introduced us with each other and I asked you the reason behind your depression and you said that you are not depressed just worried about your studies.

Alice was your closest friend among the girls, and slowly even we started to talk more with each other. We talked the most during the preparation of the Graduation Party, which as part of school tradition is held a year before we actually graduate. A What's App group was made and you started roasting me in that, which we all know, isn't serious roasting and is just for fun.

Alice and your friendship were incredible to me, I loved the way you guys understood each other. I often saw you guys looking at each other smiling when something funny happened in the library during the free classes. During the graduation party prep, I realized how good you are as a human being and your behavior with me was so sweet that I didn't even realize when I started to fall for you.

Sally (fake name), observed us and told me that you might have a crush on me because of the way you talk and behave.I also started believing it. One day, after a month of the Graduation party, all the girls of the class were sitting together and gossiping when Alice suddenly asked me, "Tia (fake name), what if?....", I asked, "what-what if'?"Then she gave a mischievous smile and said, "Wait I'll tell you after I ask someone if I should tell you or not."

Then she went out of the classroom and went to your class. My heart was beating fast, I was happy and scared at the same time. I thought that she was gonna tell me that you like me or something like that. Alice came back to the class and took me out of the class to the corridors. "Tia, what if I tell you that I am dating someone," Alice said with a shy and mischevious smile and this time my heart started to beat fast with fear.

I showed happiness and asked with interest in my tone, "Oh really, wow, who is the lucky guy?" "Guess it," Alice said with a smile. I said 3-4 names and wanted to mention your name at the last, hoping with all my heart that it isn't you. Alice said 'no' at every guess of mine and at the end, with endless fear in my heart, I uttered your name.

A smile lit up in Alice's face and my heart sank.

She nodded...I was in shock, I felt like something got stuck in my throat, with all the strength I could gather at that moment, I smiled back at Alice. "OMG! I am so happy for you." I said with a fake cheerfulness in my tone. "You are? You look a bit shocked." She said with concern in her voice.

"Oh no, no, I am not shocked, I am just too happy for you, I kinda guessed it that you guys have a thing for each other, I wanted to say it but when I saw that you got mad at Leesa for saying that you guys might have a thing, I backed off." I lied with a smile on my face. "Oh ok, I have an English class now, so I'll get going," Alice said with a smile on her face. After she left the corridors I ran to the washroom with a normal face, but as soon as I entered a toilet stall, I broke down.

I cried my heart out without making any noise. Nobody except Sally new that I liked you. That day I met you and Alice again in the library and you guys were talking to me about how long you were dating and other stuff about your relationship. After school that day, I went straight to Sally's house and cried even there, she consoled me because that is the only thing she could have done, that is the only thing anyone could have done at that moment.

After that day I became distant with you, even our what's app group chats became less because we were the ones who kept the group active. I started to act a bit rude with you even though I knew that it wasn't your fault that my heart got broken, in fact, it was nobody's fault, I just had a very big misunderstanding. I avoided you for a long time, even when you approached to talk to me, I ignored you.

I just want to say, I am really sorry for behaving like this with you. Alice is a very good human being and a very good friend of mine and I'll always support the relation you guys are having. I had never let Alice understand that I have feelings for you and I never will. I pray that you guys end up getting married and have a cute family and a happy life. I'll always ship you and Alice and if any complication comes in your relationship, then I'll always try to sort it out and get you guys happily back together. I love you both and truly as a friend.

-Tia

"I have so much that I want to say to you, but I can't say a word." -Michelle Burns