Vent🌌

I don't want to put a title

Where to start 

Where to start 

Where to start 

What to say 

What to say 

What to say 

Don't screw up 

Don't screw up

Don't screw up

I didn't screw up 

                                                                                           I fucked it all up 

Principles.

Everyone has them. Basic ideas of right and wrong, things to do, and not to do. How we survive. My heart weeps as I write this chapter. But it's ok. It was just me doing a big dumb thing like the idiot I am. 

1) to live you must lie 

2) to eat you must stay quiet

3) no tears, they don't want that

4) raise your voice, there's no more choice 

5) you want it, oh well

6) no suggestions 

7) don't ask anything

8) do things quick and correct 

9) shut up, they don't give a fuck 

10) straight a's or you better start praying for an escape 

11) no emotions 

12) you are nothing but a cold creation. a meaningless object for others to use

13) you are fat and ugly

14) you will never be good enough 

15) love isn't reserved for you, it is for the other children, your siblings, stop waiting and expecting 

16) to survive you gotta use the other players 

Those are the principles, that I've known my whole life. And I know deep down,that they are true. I've proved it more then enough times.

I always fuck everything up. I always one up people, and push my burdens on them. I talk, and I talk, and I talk, and I talk, and I really shouldn't.  I'm just that little deviant piece in the game of life. Because fuck me, I have problems, let me get it out to someone before I burst at the seams. Let me immediately regret all my choices. 

Don't get me started on emotions. 

The ones that control me in the heat of he moment. 

The ones that always get me screwed. 

If I just kept my mouth shut. 

Stop.stop.stop.stop.stop.stop.stop.stop.stop.stop.stop.stop.

I don't know what to say anymore. Other then I'm sorry to everyone who knows me. And everyone who will. And everyone who did. I'm sorry for everything. Just forget I exist. If we made past promises not to, go ahead and break it. Please. Just go. 

I want everyone to go. 

Let me get what I deserve. 

To be alone, when I need others. That's what I deserve. So give it to me. Oh look, there I go again being greedy. 

Why are you still here? Do you like hearing me gloat? Hearing my breakdown? Oh! I know! You love seeing me get what I deserve! Do me a big favor and go ahead. Spam my inbox with hate, spam my message board, and comment section with hate. Do it. Please.