She Never Said Goodbye

Chapter Fifteen

Monica slipped her new ruby red dress over her body. She lined her lips with liner and then applied some thick gloss in a deeper hue. Both of them were loaned to her by Jane. She couldn't quite recognize herself in the mirror. Somehow, the dress felt looser than the day she tried it on.

She was alone in the apartment. Owen had left earlier in the day to go out with the guys. Eric told his younger brother he would help him move, so the rest of the band joined him.

Being alone really did not bother Monica. She was delighted to have the place to herself while she got ready for the night. She took a long bath. Pearl had given her some luscious, green apple-scented bubble bath for her birthday. Monica played with the bubbles in her bath and relaxed. She sipped on a glass of white wine and listened to The Smiths as she soaked for close to an hour.

Her phone pinged and she checked it.

Jane: You better be wearing the dress tonight.

Monica: Sure thing.

Jane: Great! See u at Roxie's!

Monica: xx

She sipped the last of her wine and got out of the bath. She wrapped her bathrobe around her slick body and went into her room. Astrid's laptop was on her bed, waiting and open. She had gotten up the nerve to power it up when she got home, but she had not yet had the nerve to do anything else. The wine had smoothed the edges free that had been weighing on her mind and worry. She brought the laptop to her side as she sat on the bed and brought it out of its sleep.

Astrid had so many favorite things. Songs. Poems. Cities. Books. Movies. Artists. Though Monica had never discussed those things directly with Astrid, she overheard her conversations with the other ladies and parents at the daycare. Somehow it dawned on her that Astrid's password to her laptop was one of those endless things.

She recalled the morning after Christmas and New Years break. Astrid was sipping on some coffee in her classroom, writing in a notebook and looking well-rested. She was absentmindedly singing a song that Monica had not heard before, so she asked her what the name of it was.

"'Helicopter'," Astrid answered. "It's a husband and wife band." She smiled and continued to write in her notebook. She had her long, blonde hair down that day. It was parted to the side with a slender clip holding it back off her face. "I saw them open for one of my ex's favorite bands. They're called Viva Voce."

"Oh," Monica smiled as she finished setting up the materials for the art project Astrid had planned for the first morning activity.

Monica typed in Helicopter. No such luck. That wasn't the password. She sighed and closed her eyes. She tried guessing a few more times and got the same result. She powered Astrid's laptop off and shoved it under her bed.

Since the girls were going out after the show, Monica made sure she had enough cash in her purse for drinks and tips. She got her slim-fit leatherette jacket that she hadn't worn in years out of her closet and draped it over her arm before she headed out.

Roxie's was booming by the time she arrived. The only parking spot she could find was a distance away. Thursdays was Ladies' Night. The tavern was buzzing with estrogen, tequila shots and laughter. There was a band playing before The Sun Also Rises. Owen was sitting at a table with the rest of the band and the girlfriends. When his eyes detected Monica as she walked in, he almost choked on his beer. The guys laughed at him as she approached them with a very small and shy smile on her lips.

"Babe," he mused, his eyes wide and aroused, "you look amazing."

Jane let out a cat call and Pearl let out a feisty roar. Toby and Eric nodded in agreement.

"Amazing?" Scooter rolled his eyes. "Hot is more like it. She looks--"

"Hey," Owen cut his best friend off. "She's taken, man." He slung his arm around Monica's neck and kissed her cheek.

Scooter raised his brows teasingly and got back to his drink and watching the show and the ladies.

Owen passed his fingertips down her neck and whispered in her ear, "How did I get so lucky?"

She grabbed him by his loose shirt collar and rested her head on his chest. His arm remained around her shoulders. He ordered her a drink when a waitress walked by and brushed his free hand against his girlfriend's bare thigh. He whispered in her ear again. "How am I going to be able to play anything tonight when all I wanna play is you?" He squeezed her thigh and Monica blushed.

Jane winked at the couple, very pleased with her find. Monica's glass of wine had arrived. She took her first sip and then her heart skipped a beat. 

A woman, with long, curly blonde hair was dancing in the crowd. The blonde brought her hands above her head. Her fingertips played with the air above her. For longer than a second, Monica was convinced it was Astrid. The woman turned around and it wasn't her. Her face looked nothing like Astrid's. 

Monica drank her wine. She nodded her head to the music though she wasn't really listening. All she could think of was how much she wanted that woman to be Astrid. Alive again and dancing. It was impossible and irrational, but it was how she felt. Never had Monica feared such a feeling in her life.