All Fall Down

Wheels Go Round

     Tony munched on the veggie chips on his way home. His mind couldn't wrap around the fact that Natasha - it was still weird to use her first name - had bought him food. It was a peace offering for the disaster of a meeting they'd had on Wednesday. No matter, Natasha had offered an olive branch and he'd taken it. Did that put them on good terms? Was he supposed to buy her something too? She'd shockingly rejected his money and expected him to just take the bag. He didn't like being confused, but she seemed to be doing a good job of that lately.

     He wiped his hands together, barely fazed when his sprained fingers were pinched. They've almost healed anyway. He punched in the code for the front gate and looked around. Howard's work car wasn't home and the tightness in his chest settled. He pushed open the front door and hesitated in the kitchen. Howard wasn't home to yell at him about his food habits. Tony pulled down a plate and bread, slathering on a disgusting amount of tuna fish. He ignored Howard's voice - "You're getting chubby Anthony." - in his mind and brought the sandwich to his lips. He moaned around the bread when he bit down. He shouldn't swear, but it was so damn delicious. He hadn't had a tuna fish sandwich in so long. He hadn't had a filling meal in so long. When his stomach started cramping halfway through his snack, Tony disposed of the evidence and filled a cup with water. He sipped slowly on his way up the stairs with the taste of tuna lingering in his mouth.

     He sat down to modify some codes for his helper bot. They were getting old and a little tweaking never hurt anyone. Natasha had reminded him of the convention on Saturday and he wanted to make sure everything was in working order. His fingers clicked away and lines of code appeared on the screen. His head bobbed to the musical genius of Black Sabbath and he dived into the world of programming. He tweaked Dum-E's leaning cache, giving his child more space to absorb the knowledge. He glanced up at the clock and jumped at the time. He'd been on his laptop for hours and Howard still wasn't home. Tony's mind skipped and his body seized. Fridays were the worst days.

     He wanted to hope Howard might go easy on him, but he had to leave for a business trip this evening. The stress had to go somewhere and he was a prime conduit. And he'd messed up at school, making a scene that had gotten back to Howard. Tony checked his supplies - bandages and gauze, acetaminophen, and towels. He was running low on bandages and made a mental note to buy more the next chance he got. He liked lists. His mind might scatter like light particles at times, but lists had a certain way of keeping him grounded. They gave him a specific path to take. Making the wrong choice in this household brought nothing but pain. Howard had beat that into him the first chance he got. Make the right choice or face failure.

    He had two lists he kept around - what Howard wanted him to do and his personal bucket list. Projects he hadn't had time to touch and places he wanted to visit filled the crinkled pages. Howard wanted him to work on the technical side of a bomb the R&D department was working on, but he hadn't touched the plans. There was another, more private one he didn't dare write down. He kept track of everything that freaked him out - small spaces, crowded areas, being underwater, being near water, open flame, live wires, cars, blood in his eyes - so he could avoid them. Howard hated when he freaked. Tony hated how vulnerable he was. If he was better, or stronger, Howard wouldn't have as much power over him.

     You're weak, Anthony. You can't survive on your own. Not without my help.

     Tony's hand ran over the bumpy skin of his chest and sucked in a breath. He shook his head forcefully, trying to dislodge the memories and focus on the present. It was done and over with. He was home and he didn't have anything to worry about. Tony dug his nails into his palm until his breaths became even and he was only trembling slightly. He snaked a hand through his greasy hair and walked back to the bed. Tony whirled around when his bedroom door opened with an ominous creak.