Life Without You

Chapter Three - Andrew

I woke up, numb.

I rolled over to face where Lily was normally lying, her dark curls splayed out across the pillow. But she wasn't there. Instead, Clara was curled up in the blankets, her stuffed moose hugged close to her chest.

I hadn't told her yet.

"I'm so sorry baby girl," I whispered. My head was pounding from all the emotions of last night, and all of the crying I had done.

I hadn't been able to fall asleep until almost 3 this morning, and when I woke up at 5 to a nightmare, I found that Clara had climbed into bed with me. Now, I glanced at the clock and wasn't shocked to see that it was almost noon.

Careful not to wake up the sleeping child, I slid out from underneath the covers and reached for my cell phone.

I swiped past all of the missed calls and text messages from people I hadn't heard from in years, apologizing for my loss, and dialed the number for Clara's school. I figured, since word travels fast in the small town, they had already figured out why Clara was in school, but I'd better call anyway to excuse her.

"Hello, Thomas Jefferson Primary. This is Rebecca speaking," The secretary on the other end answered.

"Hi, this is Andrew Harper, and I was just calling to excuse Clara Harper from Ms. Peterson's class for the day."

"Oh, Mr. Harper," the voice on the other end quieted, the chipper tone that the receptionist had once held, vanished. "I'm so sorry for your loss. Please let the school know if you or Clara need anything, and we'd love to help."

I took a deep breath and swallowed the lump of panic and pain that had risen in my throat.

"Thank you, I appreciate it," I mumbled, exchanging a few more polite words with the woman before hanging up.

"Daddy?" A voice behind me grumbled, and I turned to see Clara sitting up to look at me. She was squinting, eyes adjusting to the bright light in the room. She lifted her hands which were balled into fists, and rubbed her bleary eyes. In that moment, with her wild hair and groggy expression, she looked exactly like Lily.

It was almost too much.

"Hey baby," I choked, trying my best to blink away the tears that pricked at my eyes. "Do you want to go to grandma and grandpa's today?"

"Yeah!" Clara bounced excitedly. She was so happy and ready to take on the world- it made me wish I could still have that kind of optimism.

I had called my mom and dad last night, and they had been just as shocked as I was. Lily, my perfect wife, was gone. In an instant. Just like that. They had offered to come and pick Clara up during the afternoon today and keep her until the funeral, so that I would be able to do some planning and grieve without having to continuously put on a mask and hide my emotions from my innocent five year old.

"Alright, well then you'd better go pack a bag. Take four nights worth of stuff, okay?"

Clara nodded excitedly and leapt off the bed to go running towards her room.

Only minutes later, she was dragging her small suitcase/ travel bag on wheels, into the living room where I was sitting on my laptop, scrolling through undertakers in the area.

"I'm ready to go daddy!" She exclaimed, bouncing on her toes with excitement. I gave her a weak smile and shut the lid of my laptop.

"They'll be here in a few minutes baby girl," I opened my arms out to her, and she willingly climbed into my lap to give me a hug.

Suddenly, the doorbell rang, making me jump. My mom had just texted me, telling me they were about ten­ minutes out, so that couldn't be them.

I frowned, standing up and starting for the door.