Autumn Leaves / Park Jimin fanfiction

7. Left With No Goodbye

Caim
An invisible circle of protection, drawn around the body with the hand, that reminds you that you are safe and loved, even in the darkest of times.

-

I searched the shelves of prepackaged birthday cakes trying to find one suitable for a male turning 21. After many failed attempts at trying to bake a cake, I was at the local convenience store debating whether to go with vanilla or chocolate frosting. Yoongi was a simple guy, he didn't like anything over the top or anything that he deemed more than enough, so I opt for the vanilla cake.

The walk back to my apartment is only a 10-minute walk, but I take my time, making the most of the cold season. The autumn leaves pirouette to the ground in flashes of golds and berry-reds, their journey short-lived as they are whisked away by the grip of an icy wind. A single caramel coloured leaf glides past my face landing lightly on the ground. In just a few weeks the trees would stand naked, stripped of their leaves. As I walk back wrapped in my beige, woollen coat, I deliberately tread on the leaves to hear each one crunch under the pressure of my boots.

The moment I reach my apartment, I hop into the warm shower, having just enough time before my hands are carefully placing the candles on the cake just seconds before the doorbell sounds throughout my apartment. I excitedly open my door to a grinning Min Yoongi, pulling him into a tight hug even though I knew he wasn't a fan of physical contact.

"Happy birthday!" I scream into his ear as I run to the kitchen before returning with the cake in my hands. Every year Yoongi tells me not to plan anything. He could never understand why people celebrated being a year older, but it felt wrong to not celebrate his birthday. It was also a great excuse to shower him with the love and affection he so avidly tried to avoid. Yoongi blew out the candles on the cake before dropping down on the sofa tiredly. "You don't look very excited," I observe with a sad look, hoping the elder would be better spirited on his birthday.

"I'm just tired that's all," he shrugs, quickly dismissing my comment. I sigh, placing the cake down on the small coffee table beside the two plates I'd already set out before Yoongi had arrived. I proceed to cut myself a slice, knowing it'd be me who'd end up finishing the whole cake by myself.

"I wish we could do a little more for your birthday, like when we were younger. Like that one time, we went to the amusement park and you threw up on the ride because I didn't believe you when you said you had a fear of heights. Or that one time we went to the zoo and you tried feeding me to the lions. Good times," I chuckle. Yoongi laughed, a genuine wholehearted laugh. He didn't laugh very often so it made it that little bit more special when he did.

We end up playing video games for the rest of the day, which involved me pretending I'd let Yoongi win every time, even though we both knew I hadn't. It was like any normal day spent with Yoongi, but just being able to spend time with him on his birthday made me happy, and I hoped he felt it to. "It's getting pretty late, I should probably get going." Yoongi picks himself up from the sofa making his way over to the front door. "I'll see you tomorrow?" He asks, although I know it's supposed to be a rhetorical question.

"Actually I promised Jimin I would go out with him tomorrow," I awkwardly mumble, looking down at my feet, "it's for our art project," I add hastily, not wanting him to get the wrong idea. I had never turned Yoongi down before and it was a foreign feeling I didn't like. "Oh. Okay then, I guess I'll catch you later," and with that, Yoongi leaves my apartment. No proper goodbye or anything. With a heavy exhale, I push Yoongi's cold response to the back of my mind as I grab my coat and phone before slipping on my boots. Yoongi's birthday party might be over, but I still had something very important to do.

-

I cautiously made my way up to the weathered stone which had been battered by the elements over the years. Holding the bouquet of flowers in my hand that I'd bought alongside Yoongi's birthday cake, I laid them down carefully on top of the unkept grass before resting my body on the ground with my legs crossed. I'd been coming here monthly since the accident happened. Under the glow of the full moon, the gravestone seemed to have an aura of its own. I reached out a finger, running it over the engraved lettering within the marble.

I picked up the leaves that littered the stone pushing them to the side. It had been my job since he died to look after his grave. Which made sense, since I was the only one to come and visit him.

"I miss you so much," I whisper as a tear falls from my eyes. "I miss you when something good happens because you're the only one I want to share it with. I miss you when something is on my mind because you were the only one who understood me better than I could ever understand myself. I miss you every second of the day and every night when I lay alone with my thoughts and think of all the memories we no longer share together." I knew I was just talking to bones, but it was the only place I felt close enough to talk to him and have it mean something until we are reunited once again.